Biscuits and Trout

I was just out on a beautiful long hike with a good friend of mine. I love the mixture of deep talks and nature, there’s sort of nothing like it.

Anyway, she has recently gotten her real estate license for California and I was asking her what the PLANS ARE.

I love what she said!! She started with, “I’m really checking in with myself every day to feel where I am and where I’d like to be. I’m heading in one direction, but who knows, I may end up heading in a different direction. But I’m going to move where my heart feels it should go.”

I love this for so many reasons. First of all this crazy society we live in is all about ACCOMPLISHMENT. We set out on a path (any path) and if we decide along the way that we don’t like it or want it anymore, we usually either:

A. Push even harder! I must conquer! I must win! I will ACCOMPLISH these dreams! (Even if they aren’t anymore, but don’t tell anyone.)

B. I’m going to quit everything and then feel super shitty about myself. Oh gawd what is wrong with me? I can never finish anything. I’m so scared to START something, I may decide I don’t like the path I choose.

What is it that has terrified us into making the WRONG decision? What if we are really here to experience and expand and check in with what our soul needs?

What if the word accomplishMENT is really what are we MENT to accomplish? What if it’s not whatever we can get our hands on. What if it’s what our soul is truly MENT to do, not all the anxious buzzing bullshit that only looks great on paper but feels empty inside.

I loooooooooove that my friend was able to articulate her feelings about possibly migrating from one thing to the next. Knowing what she’d like to do now, but also honoring herself for the inevitable changes she’ll make along the way.

 

My girlfriend went on to say that she is not sure what her next venture in life will be, but she knows that she will NOT be pulled to do something just for the money.

She also said that she is OKAY NOT KNOWING where will end up.

She is comfortable in the unknowing, of trusting that the answers she needs will show up when she needs them.

Woa. How would it be to live like this? To gently move from one truth to another, from one trusting moment to bliss to passion to joy and back to trusting?

What if life can really be like this? 

So I’m checking in with me.

All the parts that have felt embarrassed or vulnerable for passionately starting ideas and businesses and friendships and projects and relationships all to find out that they weren’t really for me in the long run. That I was seeking them for the wrong reasons. Is that so bad? Hey I’ve been doing things! I’ve been moving forward, and getting my hands dirty and making messes and gaining experiences!

I am going to spend a little time apologizing for all the times that I was angry at myself for NOT FINISHING WHAT I STARTED, NOT CONQUERING!

When maybe, just maybe I was listening to my heart all along. Maybe I got what I needed and then it was time to have a different experience.

Maybe I am whole just as I am, and maybe my heart can (and does) guide me better than I realized.