Accidental Art

Sometimes the most beautiful art is an accident. Nature has a way of creating beyond anything we ever could. This is a picture I took of blue glass ice in Alaska. There have been no color adjustments, it is just this glorious aquamarine delicious blue! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Wowwwwww!

I am Remembering

That anytime in life,

may it be in a conversation, during yoga, while making art, sleeping, etc. if I am PUSHING/FORCING/GRINDING/SHOVING at all, I am not allowing the Universe to move through me.

Life can be filled with ease and delight in every moment.

Sometimes I need to remember this as I live.
Anything I choose to do,
be,
say,
experience, can be done with an open ease to allow the truth that I may not even know exists yet, come forth.

The Game of Life and How to Play It

Wow! Can’t believe it’s nearing the end of August! Oh my gosh!!! So my family and I just got home from an Alaskan cruise. It was great in many ways, but of course it wasn’t without the occasional family drama. Soooo nice to be home though! Even though I am still wading through travel items that need to be put away, 1/2 done loads of laundry, and this excited/anxious feeling of wanting to get back into a LIFE SCHEDULE and experience DAILY LIFE AGAIN. Traveling is so great, but it’s always nice to come home. 🙂

A couple weeks before we left, I ordered a book on Amazon that supposedly was written to help people manifest in an easy way, sort of reset the thick anticipatory funk that usually seems like comes with the concept. I opened the first page, and the author had written that she had been inspired by the book “The Game of Life and How to Play it,” by Florence Scovel Shinn. The name of the book caught my eye because I’ve had that book on the shelf for 2 years, and hadn’t opened it yet. I remember I had heard about it on some spiritual website/blog/ or from a person that the book is pretty amazing, but just never got around to it. This was obviously a sign! So I decided to switch over to reading that little book that had been patiently sitting on my shelf instead of my new one.

I feel so blessed that this book was waiting for me. My entire perspective is shifting and I am feeling more empowered, more delighted, more alive in my life. I am astounded that Florence wrote this in 1925, wow! What a freakin’ powerhouse.

My husband and I have been reading it together nearly every night. (I know I know I’m pretty lucky to have such a receptive partner….)

One of my favorite messages from the book is that there is a supply for every demand. She also mentions that blessing others automatically blesses ourselves. I love the concept of blessing others, and it automatically dissolves any anger or irritation towards them. Life in so many ways has been so ego centered. I feel so connected to humans by blessing them, and acknowledging that we all aren’t that different.

She has reminded me of the law of karma. If we want love, send love out. If we want support and understanding, to give that. Give that which we seek.

It really reminds me to expect miracles. That what is our divine right cannot be taken from us, and will show up in divine timing. I feel so much more at ease in my life, trusting that the Universe has my back.

I love it when a message, a book, a person, a realization shows up at just the right moment. It seems like this is happening to me more and more.

Yay! Sending so much love and blessings to all of you. 😉 xo

Beautiful

I would love my bonus daughter to feel good in her own skin. To enjoy who she is as a human, and know that she is enough.

But I also know that she is 13, and just at the BEGINNING of weirdness and possibly a push/pull relationship with her body.

So how can I help? What can I do to make it better or guide her to see her beautiful spirit and not just the fact that she doesn’t fit the societal MOLD of what is considered beautiful?

I know I need to talk to her more about it than I have been.

But there are a lot of different thoughts running through my mind. I don’t know if SHOWERING her with compliments is the way for her to see her true power.

  • I was given a lot of compliments on my looks as a kid, and I didn’t believe any of them.
  • I felt ugly even though I was told I was beautiful.
  • Feeling truly beautiful is when we don’t need to be TOLD them from other people, we just feel our own power. So telling her a lot isn’t necessarily going to convince her.
  • I know I had a very different experience related to beauty growing up than she is. And yet I didn’t feel good about myself at all. I’d like to share more with her, and maybe remind her that one day, as she’s living more her truth, she will see her pure beauty.
  • I like the idea of using the compliment of ‘beautiful’ related to being kind and loving, like I read someone blogging. That it doesn’t need to only represent outer appearance.
  • Maybe I can remind her that as I have gotten older, the times when I actually FEEL beautiful are when I just stood up for myself, or when I am doing something where I am so present and immersed in it, I lose myself. I feel solid and enough and beautiful.
  • Maybe I can also tell her that just having people think you are ‘pretty’ isn’t that helpful if you don’t believe them.
  • People will always have different opinions about beauty anyway. If we are swayed back and forth if someone sees it and the next person doesn’t, we won’t feel beautiful. Beauty starts deep inside US.
  • I can also remind her that the times when I feel ugly are when I don’t speak up for myself, when I swallow my feelings and when I am trying to be different than I am.
  • Some of the most beautiful people I know do not fit societies standards of beautiful. In fact, 99.9% of people don’t fit those standards, and we can find beauty in everyone.
  • Remind her that there have been so many times that I would see someone and be swept up in their beauty and then created a story in my head about how their life must be so much better than mine, etc. And how loved they must be, etc. Once I got to know them I realized that they were going through similar things as me. There life wasn’t any better because I thought they were pretty.

Those of you that have girls, what is your experience?

I can see that not telling someone they are beautiful because of the fear that they will think that is all they are, may not be the best decision either. Maybe there is a happy medium where they are told they are beautiful but they are also told their are brave and kind and loving and strong.

 

I would love to hear your thoughts!!

xo

 

Endless Loop?

Wow… It’s been OVER a month since I created a blog post. I can’t even believe it. I knew May was going to be full, and it was. I am just starting to get myself back on a schedule, an even better one, but I can’t believe  it’s been over a month. Sheesh!

Though I’m learning a lot  about myself every day, I’m aware that I don’t feel quite as confident as I would like. Even after all these years of growth and change, and new decisions, and speaking my truth, there are still voices that  show up in my head vicious and irritated.
Wishing that I was:
something different,
something more,
better,
faster,
more involved,
less involved,
more confident,
more of a fighter,
more social,
better in groups,
enough.
That still happens, and I can see my pattern. I can see where the blame and shame shows up, where I feel disgusted at myself, and where I feel like I would be enough if I just pushed a little harder.

I recently had a discussion about this sort of thing with my sister in law. And the question is; what if I don’t need to PUSH harder? Why do I always assume that if something is happening that I don’t like, that it’s my JOB to WORK HARDER to get where I want to go, or get a relationship to where I want it to be?

I don’t know.

I guess that was the way I was raised, right? That our job is to spin our wheels pushing fighting, pounding until we FIX it. Until we beat it to death, whatever it is. It’s so funny writing that out, because it’s not at all how I live my life, and not at all how I would want my kids to feel. And yet, there it is. The feeling that I am not enough and that I MUST exhaust every morsel of my being, and even then there is probably something wrong with me.

What if life gets to be easier than that? More at ease? Even though I resonate far more with ease, there is still a part of me that feels I need to push, jab, fight to move forward.

Maybe this is just a rambling post of me feeling lost and searching once again for a glimmer of my personal power. How no matter how much work we may do on ourselves, the mean self talk can still show up. And something I’m not even AWARE that the voice has stepped into my head.

I just start believing it.

My husband just told me earlier today that he loves every part of me. It  made me so sad, that we can so easily offer that to people we love,  but it is so hard to do for ourselves. Every part of ME? I mean, I accept more parts than I used to. I am grateful for more than I used to be. But there is still a lot of judgement voices. EVERY part of me? How wonderful that would be to just know who I am and accept and love myself fully. Is that even possible? Or is it an endless loop of feeling like we get close and then finding another issue/quirk/problem/mistake/flaw that we need to lean in to offering love to? Are we doing this when we are 90 no matter what? Or is there a way to get to the point of loving all of it?

I have to remember that even though I feel immersed in emotions and negative self talk, that doesn’t mean I am not growing and learning and moving forward. It doesn’t mean I am backpedaling or stuck, or incapable or wrong. It means maybe that there is another level that I can work through to be a better version of me.

Appreciate Appreciate

I appreciate these amazing noise cancelling headphones so I completely feel like I’m in my own world.

I appreciate getting the house organized. The energy is improving!

I appreciate that the cat tree is moved close to the window so the kittens can enjoy the sun and look outside.

I appreciate watching the kids laugh and play out the window.

I appreciate being able to focus at the library and get done everything on my list.

I appreciate being reminded that me feeling good is the first step in creating the life I want, and enjoying the life I have.

I appreciate having the courage to say yes.

I appreciate being able to apologize to myself when I am not as compassionate as I would like to be.

I appreciate starting over with how I speak to myself if I need to.

I appreciate recognizing that I am making things harder than they need to be.

I appreciate being brave enough to feel my feelings when they come up instead of pushing them away.

I appreciate knowing that magic is all around me.

I appreciate listing off what I am grateful for in the morning.

I appreciate playing happy music while we get ready in the morning.

I appreciate listening to my body instead of judging.

I appreciate the sun on my cheeks.

I appreciate feeling calm when I go inside my closet.

I appreciate getting rid of clothes that do not spark joy.

I appreciate being in a relationship where we both show up the best way we can for each other.

I appreciate knowing that I can make changes with anything that isn’t working in my life.

I appreciate sore muscles.

I appreciate sore drawing fingers.

Forgive

This is just one of my many, many life lessons I’ve had recently that I thought I’d share. I’m getting better and better at it everyday!
Sending you all love, and hopefully you can forgive yourself as well. I’m sure you are doing the best you can with what you know.

xo

Alive

Colors and lines morphing into something bright and brave.

 

I don’t know how this piece will end up, but I am moving forward with it. I had put it down for a bit, but once again I am enjoying the movement, the process of it. I managed to cover this canvas in thick watercolor paper so the lines are easy to draw.

We will see how it’ll all come together.. xo

Healing Touch

Hello!

Welcome to the end of March! Sheesh! This year feels like it’s flying already. Wow!  Anyway, after a post the other day about not listening to my curiosities, I decided to do something about it.

I took a 2 days course on Healing Touch, something I have been CURIOUS about for a couple of  years. I would love to enhance my intuition, and so…. I SAID YES!

I must say, I really  loved it. It was a new experience to go into a class not knowing if I would enjoy it or not. But being able to be light about it,
to ‘check and see,
to keep my heart open,
to move through it with ease
and just ‘check in with what felt right.’

It was nice to allow myself to be a beginner and to not have signed up for all 5 classes already. ahahha

Anyway, it was a fascinating introduction to energy work, and I wanna go further! I actually think I want to take Healing Touch for animals in the next couple of months. I love animals, and the older I get the more my heart just relishes in them.

So that is the plan! For those of you curious about Healing Touch, check it out. What I love about it, is that it is taught the same way no matter where you go. Hospitals are now utilizing it, and seeing the benefits! Ha! So it’s not just gypsy women sitting on the street corner with no money begging for cans of tuna in exchange for energy healing. haahah

I feel great that I am paving a path for myself, and ART is still intermixed with it. I can do them both!

By the way, does anyone have any tips for schedules and creating balance? Between managing 3 buildings with my hubby, family, healing touch, art, volunteering at hospice, attending hospice classes, and uhhh taking an occasional bath, I sure could use some suggestions.  😉

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