Play

I’ve been playing around with the idea of allowing the lines and colors and movement to come through me, like they do in my art journal. I know I’ve written before about having that intention and yet the actual art piece feels forced.
I learned an important lesson the other day on a long walk. I can’t create art to FEEL organic and effortless when I haven’t created it that way.

So my practice continues…

I was told so many times in art school that I need to start with a PLAN, a sketch, and then repeat that onto a canvas or paper. I was told that THIS is creating art. This has never worked for me, and I felt like a fraud because of it. I have always loving arriving at an empty piece of paper, allowing my hands to move, opening up to the colors and movement that need to come forth. When I create like that, there is an ease. There is a flow. There is me.

This particular piece started out with me pushing. I was so excited to create something, that I forgot to arrive with reverence and feel first. I created habitual lines instead of waiting for the intuitive swaying inside of me. I ended up feeling lost and in my head. But the beautiful thing is, is that I took a deep breath and started again. I didn’t make a move until I felt guided. This piece is proof to myself that even if I get off track and get in my head, I can fix it. I can adjust it, I can go back to organic creation. Ha!

All is not lost! 😉

Today I appreciate

I appreciate listening to Oprah’s words of Wisdom while I work on this book I am creating.

I appreciate these moments of silence in the library with my noise cancelling headphones.

I appreciate hearing Will Smith say that ‘Self discipline is the definition of self love,’ and seeing the places that I can work on my own self discipline/love.

I appreciate getting some great Ah-ha! moments with art!

I appreciate choosing to write 5 things I’m grateful for every evening before bed.

I appreciate visualizing the way I want to see my life.

I appreciate hearing Oprah say that we become what we believe.

I appreciate that I can make new choices for showing up my most authentic way.

I  appreciate that my muscles and mind are strong.

I appreciate that I am starting yoga again soon.

I appreciate that taking deep breaths usually relaxes me right away.

I appreciate hearing my bonus daughter say that I’m one of her favorite people.

I appreciate that I am capable of showing up my truest and most authentic self.

I appreciate late afternoon walks with my hubby.

I appreciate taking kitten out for a walk and watching him bask in the sun.

I appreciate that our house usually smells of homemade food.

I appreciate  nourishing my body with healthy food.

I appreciate that I am drinking a gallon of water a day. Yikes!

I appreciate the feeling of being loved for exactly as I am.

I appreciate loving and enjoying my siblings.

I appreciate deep meditation.

I appreciate new, thick art paper.

I appreciate that I am here in this reality, on this planet, for so many reasons, even if I don’t know yet what they all are.

 

 

Appreciate Appreciate

I appreciate these amazing noise cancelling headphones so I completely feel like I’m in my own world.

I appreciate getting the house organized. The energy is improving!

I appreciate that the cat tree is moved close to the window so the kittens can enjoy the sun and look outside.

I appreciate watching the kids laugh and play out the window.

I appreciate being able to focus at the library and get done everything on my list.

I appreciate being reminded that me feeling good is the first step in creating the life I want, and enjoying the life I have.

I appreciate having the courage to say yes.

I appreciate being able to apologize to myself when I am not as compassionate as I would like to be.

I appreciate starting over with how I speak to myself if I need to.

I appreciate recognizing that I am making things harder than they need to be.

I appreciate being brave enough to feel my feelings when they come up instead of pushing them away.

I appreciate knowing that magic is all around me.

I appreciate listing off what I am grateful for in the morning.

I appreciate playing happy music while we get ready in the morning.

I appreciate listening to my body instead of judging.

I appreciate the sun on my cheeks.

I appreciate feeling calm when I go inside my closet.

I appreciate getting rid of clothes that do not spark joy.

I appreciate being in a relationship where we both show up the best way we can for each other.

I appreciate knowing that I can make changes with anything that isn’t working in my life.

I appreciate sore muscles.

I appreciate sore drawing fingers.

Alive

Colors and lines morphing into something bright and brave.

 

I don’t know how this piece will end up, but I am moving forward with it. I had put it down for a bit, but once again I am enjoying the movement, the process of it. I managed to cover this canvas in thick watercolor paper so the lines are easy to draw.

We will see how it’ll all come together.. xo

Healing Touch

Hello!

Welcome to the end of March! Sheesh! This year feels like it’s flying already. Wow!  Anyway, after a post the other day about not listening to my curiosities, I decided to do something about it.

I took a 2 days course on Healing Touch, something I have been CURIOUS about for a couple of  years. I would love to enhance my intuition, and so…. I SAID YES!

I must say, I really  loved it. It was a new experience to go into a class not knowing if I would enjoy it or not. But being able to be light about it,
to ‘check and see,
to keep my heart open,
to move through it with ease
and just ‘check in with what felt right.’

It was nice to allow myself to be a beginner and to not have signed up for all 5 classes already. ahahha

Anyway, it was a fascinating introduction to energy work, and I wanna go further! I actually think I want to take Healing Touch for animals in the next couple of months. I love animals, and the older I get the more my heart just relishes in them.

So that is the plan! For those of you curious about Healing Touch, check it out. What I love about it, is that it is taught the same way no matter where you go. Hospitals are now utilizing it, and seeing the benefits! Ha! So it’s not just gypsy women sitting on the street corner with no money begging for cans of tuna in exchange for energy healing. haahah

I feel great that I am paving a path for myself, and ART is still intermixed with it. I can do them both!

By the way, does anyone have any tips for schedules and creating balance? Between managing 3 buildings with my hubby, family, healing touch, art, volunteering at hospice, attending hospice classes, and uhhh taking an occasional bath, I sure could use some suggestions.  😉

Movement

Here is something I am playing with in my art journal. I don’t know why I am so into these curvy lines lately. But they feel good to make, so I’m just going to go with it.

It reminds me of the ebb and flow of the waves. Of life. Of emotions. No matter where we are, it’ll always move. Ahhh

Sorry for the exposure of the photo. I took it with my phone, and didn’t want to bother with photoshop. Eek. So it looks a bit washed out. ;/

 

Passion and then WHAT?

I have always been excited about life. I have always been curious and fascinated and desiring to experience all. Of. It.

But one thing held me back from saying yes to EVERYTHING.

Art.

As interested and enamored and in awe as I have always been with the nuances of life, I also knew that if I ‘took on’ everything that caught my attention, there was a chance I would end up a shell that didn’t have any time for the one thing that fills me up more than most everything.

Making art. 

So I didn’t commit.

I didn’t take that class or research, or learn the things that gently knocked on my heart.

I’d get swept up for just a moment fantasizing about something new and adventurous, and at the last second I would decide not to take the plunge and explore down a different path.

When one has lived their life skipping from one piece of passion to another, and only moving forward when it’s hot and sizzling and wild, that are pieces that might have gotten missed.

I never followed a path that I laid out before me. Moving through it, sometimes slowly, just to get to the end. I would stop half way if it felt anything less than mountains moving.

I think in some ways I recognized that I had something really great. There are many people that don’t feel PASSION at all. The fact that I have it, I should probably hold onto it with tight fingers.
Hide it.
Keep it safe.
Make sure it doesn’t slip away, or worse, have it feel as if I am ungrateful or don’t care.

I guess by me always choosing art first AND ONLY, I felt like I was honoring the passion inside me. But I can see now that I was not respecting all parts of me.

I was always leaving the gnawing, whispering, playful questions at the backdoor. Unattended to. 

Maybe if I pursue/learn/dive in to all these new exciting curiosities, they may not feel the way art does.

Is that okay?

Maybe creating art is supposed to feel different for me. Maybe it will always be the place I can re-find me. Where I can curl up and breathe life back into my soul. Maybe that doesn’t happen with every activity/hobby/interest that I have.

Maybe these interests will STILL enhance my life.

Maybe I will STILL learn more about myself and my gifts.

As I ask myself these questions, I’ve decided that I no longer want to deny urges I have to experience life.
This year will be different.
This year I will move forward even with small quivers of my curiosities.
I will trust that what I’m curious about is there for a reason.

I will trust that there is so much more to discover about myself.

I will trust that life isn’t only buzzing, passionate smoldering energy. It is the space between as well. It is the not knowing, it is the dark lonely paths and uncharted heaviness. It is the light moments of joy that may not be connected to any depth.

I am going to discover all of those parts of myself as well.

Yea for the journey! Wow! I didn’t even know what I was going to write about when I sat down. This is what is so healing about writing. This blog is way more for me than anyone else. I am okay with no one ever reading it. What I get from just writing out my feelings is so phenomenal. If anyone happens to read it and understand or something connected for them through it, that’s great. But it’s not why I’m doing it. I love linking these thoughts and feelings together and walking away with a better understanding of who I am and what I want out of life. Yessssssssssss!

What have you discovered lately about yourself?

 

Tiny Mountains

Here is one of the tiny pieces that I’ve been working on. Sort of a quirky, colorful way of depicting the mountains that we must climb everyday. I love the idea of bringing joy to the mountains in our life. With struggle, we gain strength.

Commitment

Dammit. It’s 5pm on a Monday and I am JUST SITTING DOWN TO WRITE A BLOG. ahsesorkajbaokenr!!!! Now that I finally understand what the word ‘commitment’ actually means, I’m doing my best to follow through.

And it sucks.

I mean it was much easier a couple months ago when I just moved through my life solely on my emotions. Oh I am sleepy, I don’t feel like doing what I said I would… or ‘oh I’m feeling overwhelmed, I guess it’s okay to cry in bed and do NOTHING ELSE.

But now (unfortunately) I have committed.

No one told me that WHEN I commit, I would actually have to do things sometimes that I don’t want to do. Huh.

Anyway, this is new territory for me.

I am used to letting myself down so it’s totally new that I have decided to follow through anyway.

I have committed.

Regardless of what time it is, or that my hubby is now home and wants to spend time with me. Or that I really want to curl up with my kittens and watch Manifest. I have committed to doing 3 blog posts, and that is what I will do.

There has been a series of crazy, tragic events over here lately, and I am recognizing more and more that no one can save us from ourselves.

Wow. I remember through the years as life wasn’t going the way I hoped/wished/thought it should, that I sorta expected something was just going to LAND on my lap to make everything better. Nothing ever did. And I still had a difficult time following through, finishing, and committing.

The reality is LIFE MOVES ON. Even if we have the coolest most vivid dreams in the world, NO ONE CAN SAVE US FROM FUCKING IT ALL UP.

And then I think back to all the many, many, many times that I thought it was my JOB to save other people. I saw friends/boyfriends/family as not ‘doing it right,’ and it became sorta my mission to help/explain/teach, even if they didn’t want it.

I’m so grateful to FINALLY FINALLY be getting it that:

  1. Everyone is on their own path. The best I can do it butt out and love them where they are.
  2. I’m on my path and anyone telling me how/what to do is an idiot and only basing their thoughts/expectations/point of view on THEIR life. That’s the only perspective we have anyway! HA! How hilarious is that?!
  3. I am the only person that can make my dreams come true and I am the ONLY person that can stop them from happening. It is ME, and ME only.

 

So there you go, life lessons from Jax.

I have committed! I truly believe that the more we COMMIT to something, the more we allow the universe space to bring gifts. Commitment gets the ball rolling, commitment is the key I was missing all along.

Okay have a great night! xo

 

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