It’s funny how life moves, ebbs and flows. Sometimes I am buzzing with this luscious creative energy pulsing through my body.
Other times I am a bit listless. My mind bouncing back and forth on a certain piece, playing through different actions I could take to get me back to that place of deliciously vibrant energy.
I always get back, but sometimes the journey is uncomfortable. Right now, I see images in my head over and over again and once I start creating them, they disappear and I’m left with only a sliver of what I saw. So there’s the anxiety, the flipping of my brain to figure it out, to solve the mystery.
As I sit here at the computer, reminding myself to be PRESENT with where I am, and that I will get back to creating soon enough, I am also remembering that part of the process IS the trial and error. It IS the moving closer and closer to who we are at the depth of our core, and then sometimes in the next second being washed back onto the shore unsure of what just happened.
Maybe this is what it feels like to be an artist.
Maybe this is what it feels like to be human.
The glorious blissful moments where everything connects, and then the constant yearning for that when it’s gone.
Maybe I don’t need to yearn.
Maybe I can breathe through the not knowing, and remember the process, remember that curiosity must remain in order for work to come alive at all.
I want my pieces to not only have color and movement, but to be full of feelings and heartbreak and power and vivid streaks of beauty and pain. The only way I can do any of that is to be there, dancing with it. Holding on to and letting it lead, allowing it to move to it’s own beat while I step out of the way and gracefully allow creativity to lead.