From victim to straight up powerhouse

Whatever we need will be brought to us.
Whatever we are ready to learn, we will hear.

I woke up this morning with a strong realization that I have been a victim. I don’t mean the victim that has gotten her purse stolen or had some creepy dude yell something out from across the street.

I mean like a life victim. It’s funny because I know people that are total victims and I can smell them a mile away. The complaints and the whines can drive me insane and I’ve figured that I am so much different. I am so much more evolved.

And then I woke up seeing the truth.

My inner voice: Ah shit. (feeling like a slap in the face) I’m a victim.

I’ll admit, sometimes I feel like I can’t do it, can’t figure it out, can’t make it through, feel stuck. It’s a thick mucusy sensation like bobbing in the middle of the ocean without a life preserver.  And the thing that’s funny/sad is that I didn’t even REALIZE it. I mean I had mild sprinkling doses of it, but I didn’t REALIZE that my LIFE has been splattered with it. Wow. How did this even happen???

So I’d give off this ‘poor me’ vibe, which we all know is ultra sexy, and my truly sexy hubby would come running.

He tried to help by offering to do more, but I wouldn’t feel better, I’d only feel more pathetic.

He’s amazingly caring and warm and ready to do anything and everything to make life better and easier. For everyone, especially me.

But this morning when I got up at 4:25 am, I heard this:
 I am so capable. I don’t need to be saved.

It’s hard with men sometimes. We tell them we don’t need them to FIX IT.

If we have a great listener for a man (like I do), they ask what we need and do their best to EMPATHIZE instead. ‘Oh, that’s got to be really hard.’ But it doesn’t sound RIGHT. In fact, when my would do it, I almost wanted to laugh because the inflection was all wrong. The words came out awkwardly like a bad movie line. Do you know why it doesn’t sound right? Because they are MEN! They are supposed to FIX things! My man is a brilliant idea guy with millions of fresh ideas lined up for everything under the sun. Why would I want to squash those ideas and force him to say things that only girlfriends can get away with? ahhahaha

So back to my realizations… The ‘victim victim victim’ words rang out in my head as clear as day, because I am now ready to hear them.

So I ask you, blog world… Have you checked in lately to how you’re showing up? Even in the dark moldy pockets where it’s super freaky? This is not easy to admit to myself or anyone for that matter, but I must say being able to speak (and now write) openly takes the power away. I don’t need to be ashamed, I can just make the change.

I know what it feels like to be empowered. To know I’m in charge of my life and that I can handle anything that comes my way. I’m recognizing that the slap of seeing the truth only hurts for a bit. I can decide to do things differently and I am so so so grateful for that.

I feel free already. Yay! I am Jackie making my decisions and livin my life. Ha!