Love this quote and this fierce powerful artist! Ahhhh! Her words shoot right through my soul!

Feel This

Hello everyone! I hope you’re all having a wonderful Thursday morning!

Right when I think ‘Sheesh! The universe has been giving me so many lessons lately, I’m sure there will be a nice break,..another one pops up. Ha!’ I hope I always feel that way about my life.

I can CRY easily and often so I’ve always known that I’m just really expressive with my emotions. I’m this wet well of feelings and I’ve learned to accept it. However, I’m seeing now that there maybe more to the story.  I’ve recently started to get some coaching on personal stuff and I’ve come to find out that just because I CRY it doesn’t mean I’ve cleared the emotional experience out of me. Whhhhhhhhhhhat.

So. My assignment for the next couple of weeks is to do this feeling meditation to release past feelings that did not get fully felt. It’s actually pretty scary. Surprisingly there are so many experiences that I’ve dreaded looking back into. So I’m grateful that I’ve been able to muster up enough courage to do this. Something that helps is when I remind myself that FEELINGS CAN’T HURT US, they are meant to be felt. They can only hurt us if we don’t feel them. Hm.

Because I’m in the feelings mode, I’ve decided to take it a step further and become aware of when I’m avoiding feelings in my everyday life. It looks like nothing on the outside:  ‘Oh shoot, I feel annoyed, so I’m going to go paint. Or. ‘ Yikes I feel angry,  I need to go to the gym and forget.’ I usually do healthy things, but they are still a way of attempting to alleviate the pain of FEELING, instead of just embracing the feeling and letting it go.

And then I had the craziest realization.

I even do it with JOY! There are times when I have avoided even feeling the DEPTH of my joy. Can you believe it??? Seems crazy I know, but since I’m working more towards being PRESENT with everything I’m doing, I discovered this sad truth.

There are many times when I’m painting, and just as I’m settling in and feeling the warm elation of doing what I love, I’ll distract myself by NEEDING TO TEXT SOMEONE RIGHT NOW, or

SUDDENLY NEEDING TO CHECK ON AMAZON FOR A PRODUCT.

I know it’s not like I’m doing heroin, this is obviously much smaller scale. But I don’t want to shut off my joy in any way. If I’m used to shutting off my sadness or my anger or my hurt, it makes perfect sense that JOY could get squashed as well.  What about you? Does this resonate with any of you?

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! I love getting these realizations because then I can make a tweak!

Yesterday, I put my phone away when I was making art. I sat in the silence so the only sound was my breath, and the paintbrush sliding across the paper. And. I. Was. In. Bliss.

I’m just going to believe that the more I embrace feeling my feelings all the way to the bottom, there will be more space for clarity, focus, connection and creativity.

xo

 

Biscuits and Trout

I was just out on a beautiful long hike with a good friend of mine. I love the mixture of deep talks and nature, there’s sort of nothing like it.

Anyway, she has recently gotten her real estate license for California and I was asking her what the PLANS ARE.

I love what she said!! She started with, “I’m really checking in with myself every day to feel where I am and where I’d like to be. I’m heading in one direction, but who knows, I may end up heading in a different direction. But I’m going to move where my heart feels it should go.”

I love this for so many reasons. First of all this crazy society we live in is all about ACCOMPLISHMENT. We set out on a path (any path) and if we decide along the way that we don’t like it or want it anymore, we usually either:

A. Push even harder! I must conquer! I must win! I will ACCOMPLISH these dreams! (Even if they aren’t anymore, but don’t tell anyone.)

B. I’m going to quit everything and then feel super shitty about myself. Oh gawd what is wrong with me? I can never finish anything. I’m so scared to START something, I may decide I don’t like the path I choose.

What is it that has terrified us into making the WRONG decision? What if we are really here to experience and expand and check in with what our soul needs?

What if the word accomplishMENT is really what are we MENT to accomplish? What if it’s not whatever we can get our hands on. What if it’s what our soul is truly MENT to do, not all the anxious buzzing bullshit that only looks great on paper but feels empty inside.

I loooooooooove that my friend was able to articulate her feelings about possibly migrating from one thing to the next. Knowing what she’d like to do now, but also honoring herself for the inevitable changes she’ll make along the way.

 

My girlfriend went on to say that she is not sure what her next venture in life will be, but she knows that she will NOT be pulled to do something just for the money.

She also said that she is OKAY NOT KNOWING where will end up.

She is comfortable in the unknowing, of trusting that the answers she needs will show up when she needs them.

Woa. How would it be to live like this? To gently move from one truth to another, from one trusting moment to bliss to passion to joy and back to trusting?

What if life can really be like this? 

So I’m checking in with me.

All the parts that have felt embarrassed or vulnerable for passionately starting ideas and businesses and friendships and projects and relationships all to find out that they weren’t really for me in the long run. That I was seeking them for the wrong reasons. Is that so bad? Hey I’ve been doing things! I’ve been moving forward, and getting my hands dirty and making messes and gaining experiences!

I am going to spend a little time apologizing for all the times that I was angry at myself for NOT FINISHING WHAT I STARTED, NOT CONQUERING!

When maybe, just maybe I was listening to my heart all along. Maybe I got what I needed and then it was time to have a different experience.

Maybe I am whole just as I am, and maybe my heart can (and does) guide me better than I realized. 

 

 

Celebrate the Mundane

Every 3 months or so me and my hubby sit down to have a ‘check in.’ We usually chat about what is going on mentally and emotionally in our lives. But instead of it just being a bitch sess, we each take a turn discussing where we are and where we would like to be. We ask each other questions about how we feel, and which relationships in our lives need a little extra work. It’s our time to fully connect with each other like the best friends that we are.

On Tuesday, we both knew we needed a check in. It’s been a very emotionally full year so far, and we were both craving connection.

However. Instead of sitting on the couch in the darkened family room like we usually do for our deep chat, my man suggested we sit at the beach and watch the sun go down while we talk.

Ah!!

This is one of the (many many) reasons that I love him so much. He knows just what will excite me and just what will spice up our everyday.

We stopped and bought some delicious Whole Foods salads, poured wine into a thermos, and headed out to the beach.

Oh my gosh I can’t tell you how amazing it was to be curled up in our beach chairs side by side gazing out at the ocean and sharing our feelings. Ahhhh!!!!

It was such a great reminder that life does go fast. There is always something more to handle or feel or take care of. But if we want to not just survive it, but ENJOY it, we need to celebrate all the small parts. We could have just stayed home, had a nice chat and watched a show, but instead we transformed our entire week. This will probably be remembered as one of my favorite evenings ever with my man.

IMG_20170411_192516_029

Microscopic

So one of the things I’m super fascinated with is microscopic photos of cells. Ahhhh!! I want to paint them!! I’ve seen some amazingly detailed pictures of flower and plant cells and have been planning on creating something that is inspired by that. Though I still may do that, I stumbled upon something sooooooooooooooooooooo freakin cool.

I loved Neuropsychology and Molecular Biology and at one time thought maybe I’d become a college professor to teach this stuff. I was so unbelievable fascinated! Well….. I happen to come across photos of oxytocin, and adrenaline under a microscope. Ahhhh!

And! Human body cells,… like heart, skin, and embryos! Oh my gosh I can barely breathe, I’m so excited. What if I created pieces based on these??? Wow. Finding similarities between the microscopic photos so they create a sort of story or message,.. like the heart cells interwoven with oxytocin… Or heart, skin and brain.

Ahhhh! I just needed to get this out there. My heart is beating so fast. ahhah!!

Okay okay I’ll post when I have something.

xo

Georgina Vinsun

I was browsing through Pinterest this morning, when I came across this gem. Her work is so mystical and astronomical. I especially enjoy the ‘future dreams’ work.

Check it out: http://www.georgiepaint.com/process-2016

https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/georginavinsun/

Oh and even Jealous Curator loves her work!
http://www.thejealouscurator.com/blog/2013/06/04/im-jealous-of-georgina-vinsun/

Love her use of color! I feel like I’m soaring among the stars. SO amazing!

Focus Focus Focus

What if everything has the potential to work out if we stop focusing so hard on it?

I have sort of a funny example:

I’ve always disliked my arms. They were never the shape I wanted.

Through the years I started paying more and more attention to them until it became a total obsession.I was constantly thinking about them, and noticing other people’s arms that I was envious of.

Looking back, I can also see that my fixation caused me to assume that EVERYONE ELSE was also aware of my arms.

What is wrong with me?

Oh my gosh I look so horrible!

My arms are so noticeable and disgusting!

I found weight classes with the determination of getting them THE WAY I WANT THEM. I pushed myself to make this happen, but nothing seemed to be working!

The ARMS had become this HUGE problem.

I worked out even harder.

But still nothing happened.

About 4 months ago, I was peering at them, grabbing the areas I felt should be different, and I thought of something. If my arms suddenly WERE exactly what I wanted, how would my life be different?

Would I still do the same things?

Would I still have the same people in my life?

Would the same things still make me happy and sad and excited?

Yes. Of course, the answer was yes.

So…

Who cares?

I mean really, what if my arms are just the latest obsession that is keeping me from totally accepting myself, but they are fine? What if they are fine just the way they are. Can I love myself exactly as this, if they never do change?

I decided that yes, I can and I stopped thinking about them. I started sending them love when I saw them in the mirror, and being grateful they were getting so strong from all my weight exercises.

I stopped noticing the size.

 

The other day I was in the middle of my brutal yoga class and I happened to glimpse at my arms in the mirror. I realized that they were starting to take the shape I had always wanted. But I hadn’t even noticed!

As I examined them more closely that evening, I realized something else. It’s great they are toning up, it really is. And yet I don’t care nearly as much as I thought. Their size, their shape isn’t what determines my happiness.

So I was wondering, is this how it is in all areas of life? If we are super focused on something, and running in circles demanding it to BE DIFFERENT, do things suddenly change? After all that grueling work?

Or if we build up some sort of ideal into this fantasy that will make our LIVES BETTER AND MORE ENJOYABLE AND HAPPIER, is that ever true?

This was a great epiphany, because I’m involved in some heavy life stuff right now. Maybe instead of running in circles SEARCHING FOR THE ANSWER, I can surrender to what is, and LOVE who and what I am and who and what everyone else is that I am involved with.

Maybe this can create the space for miracles to occur.

 

 

Find Your Solace

There is so much emotionally going on for me right now, I don’t even know how to begin this post. I’m not in the mood to complain or explain the story over and over again. And yet I have a very strong desire to connect, to feel loved and that everything will be okay.

I was realizing a moment ago how fitting it is at this time in my life when I am deciding to fully embrace myself artistically, there is also an interesting life crescendo happening.

All I can say is,

THANK GAWD I am creating art. 

Thank god that it had become a priority BEFORE all these changes began happening, and all the feelings and the stress.

I had no clue that at just the moment when I was deciding just be an artist, that my soul and my heart would actually need it more than anything.

So I’m checking in on all of you. It seems like life is really rocky for a lot of people now, full of so many changes and waves and tears and explosions, and pain. Maybe some of us know that it will lead to growth, (which is what I believe) but regardless, it seems to be very hard.

I’m sending you all love that you have your solace. That you have a place you can go where you can feel your feelings, where your heart can be open and full and alive and you are able to remember what a gift you truly are.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑