Healing Touch

Hello!

Welcome to the end of March! Sheesh! This year feels like it’s flying already. Wow!  Anyway, after a post the other day about not listening to my curiosities, I decided to do something about it.

I took a 2 days course on Healing Touch, something I have been CURIOUS about for a couple of  years. I would love to enhance my intuition, and so…. I SAID YES!

I must say, I really  loved it. It was a new experience to go into a class not knowing if I would enjoy it or not. But being able to be light about it,
to ‘check and see,
to keep my heart open,
to move through it with ease
and just ‘check in with what felt right.’

It was nice to allow myself to be a beginner and to not have signed up for all 5 classes already. ahahha

Anyway, it was a fascinating introduction to energy work, and I wanna go further! I actually think I want to take Healing Touch for animals in the next couple of months. I love animals, and the older I get the more my heart just relishes in them.

So that is the plan! For those of you curious about Healing Touch, check it out. What I love about it, is that it is taught the same way no matter where you go. Hospitals are now utilizing it, and seeing the benefits! Ha! So it’s not just gypsy women sitting on the street corner with no money begging for cans of tuna in exchange for energy healing. haahah

I feel great that I am paving a path for myself, and ART is still intermixed with it. I can do them both!

By the way, does anyone have any tips for schedules and creating balance? Between managing 3 buildings with my hubby, family, healing touch, art, volunteering at hospice, attending hospice classes, and uhhh taking an occasional bath, I sure could use some suggestions.  😉

Movement

Here is something I am playing with in my art journal. I don’t know why I am so into these curvy lines lately. But they feel good to make, so I’m just going to go with it.

It reminds me of the ebb and flow of the waves. Of life. Of emotions. No matter where we are, it’ll always move. Ahhh

Sorry for the exposure of the photo. I took it with my phone, and didn’t want to bother with photoshop. Eek. So it looks a bit washed out. ;/

 

Passion and then WHAT?

I have always been excited about life. I have always been curious and fascinated and desiring to experience all. Of. It.

But one thing held me back from saying yes to EVERYTHING.

Art.

As interested and enamored and in awe as I have always been with the nuances of life, I also knew that if I ‘took on’ everything that caught my attention, there was a chance I would end up a shell that didn’t have any time for the one thing that fills me up more than most everything.

Making art. 

So I didn’t commit.

I didn’t take that class or research, or learn the things that gently knocked on my heart.

I’d get swept up for just a moment fantasizing about something new and adventurous, and at the last second I would decide not to take the plunge and explore down a different path.

When one has lived their life skipping from one piece of passion to another, and only moving forward when it’s hot and sizzling and wild, that are pieces that might have gotten missed.

I never followed a path that I laid out before me. Moving through it, sometimes slowly, just to get to the end. I would stop half way if it felt anything less than mountains moving.

I think in some ways I recognized that I had something really great. There are many people that don’t feel PASSION at all. The fact that I have it, I should probably hold onto it with tight fingers.
Hide it.
Keep it safe.
Make sure it doesn’t slip away, or worse, have it feel as if I am ungrateful or don’t care.

I guess by me always choosing art first AND ONLY, I felt like I was honoring the passion inside me. But I can see now that I was not respecting all parts of me.

I was always leaving the gnawing, whispering, playful questions at the backdoor. Unattended to. 

Maybe if I pursue/learn/dive in to all these new exciting curiosities, they may not feel the way art does.

Is that okay?

Maybe creating art is supposed to feel different for me. Maybe it will always be the place I can re-find me. Where I can curl up and breathe life back into my soul. Maybe that doesn’t happen with every activity/hobby/interest that I have.

Maybe these interests will STILL enhance my life.

Maybe I will STILL learn more about myself and my gifts.

As I ask myself these questions, I’ve decided that I no longer want to deny urges I have to experience life.
This year will be different.
This year I will move forward even with small quivers of my curiosities.
I will trust that what I’m curious about is there for a reason.

I will trust that there is so much more to discover about myself.

I will trust that life isn’t only buzzing, passionate smoldering energy. It is the space between as well. It is the not knowing, it is the dark lonely paths and uncharted heaviness. It is the light moments of joy that may not be connected to any depth.

I am going to discover all of those parts of myself as well.

Yea for the journey! Wow! I didn’t even know what I was going to write about when I sat down. This is what is so healing about writing. This blog is way more for me than anyone else. I am okay with no one ever reading it. What I get from just writing out my feelings is so phenomenal. If anyone happens to read it and understand or something connected for them through it, that’s great. But it’s not why I’m doing it. I love linking these thoughts and feelings together and walking away with a better understanding of who I am and what I want out of life. Yessssssssssss!

What have you discovered lately about yourself?

 

Lessons of Now

This is one of those random lessons that I get so excited about learning. Ha! How often have we all been here?!

Hmmm How can I make my life easier?? ahha

what I am learning

Kondoizing

Okay, so I had heard about Marie Kondo, and I had the INTENTION of reading her book a couple of years ago and being inspired. But I never got around to it. However, this past week I took a short trip back to Utah, and had a chance to catch a couple of her episodes on the Netflix show Tiding Up.

I had no idea what to expect. 

I had no idea that I would not only be excited to try her tricks, but that I would unexpectedly find myself emotional. I had no ideas that something so deep in me would be so awakened.

Fast forward to past weekend where I decided to fully Kondoize my closet. I piled everything onto bed in the guest bedroom, and got to work. The first thing I learned was that it was a lot easier to move through knowing what to keep and what to get rid of than what I had originally thought. Instead of asking myself a myriad of questions about the function and how well it works, and if it was a gift, etc. etc. blah blah blah

I had one question.

Does this spark joy? 

Usually the answer was a quick, electric jolt of a yes or no. Usually the answer had been there all along, but I had never asked the question.

The best part for me is how Marie taught people to say thank you to the items they were getting rid of. For some reason that woke me up. I felt it. I think all too often we are harsh. Harsh to ourselves, harsh to other people, harsh to our things. I really resonate with the experience of thanking everything for being a part of our life, even if the time has come to an end.

Anyway, I spent half of Saturday and all of Sunday clearing my closet and my chest of drawers. I can’t  believe how magnificent it was! As it was reaching 7pm on Sunday, I had been going all day, and I realized that I didn’t feel tired at all. I felt rejuvenated, relaxed, excited, pulsing, alive, and like I could breathe again.

shirt.jpeg

drawers.jpeg

I knew I had a lot of stuff, but I didn’t really think about the fact that so much old energy was being stuffed into my space. No wonder our space has felt heavy and thick and full. There was no movement! No flow!

The part of all of this that is so phenomenal to me, is that asking this question could have made my life WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY less cluttered years ago! I had never once lived my life with so much authenticity like what I am learning right now. All of the items I’ve kept out of sheer uncaring, or gifts from obligation, or piles of STUFF that could have been thrown out forever ago if i asked myself that ONE question.

Does it spark JOY?

Wow. What an exciting way to honor ourselves with items and feelings that ARE US. This is one of the highest forms of self respect, and I am doing it. I  feel like my entire life is changing. Ha!

Today I will excitedly tackle my nightstand and bathroom with grace and gratitude. I can’t wait for our entire house to be Konzoized!

Evolve

I love this. It reminds me to move through with compassion and trust. We can do this, but it is always a choice. xo

evolvechange

 

 

In the Sadness

I don’t know what it is about today, but I am so stuffed with emotions right now. It’s so good to start writing.

I’m feeling really sad. It is the kind of sadness that burrows inside like a sharp knife and spreads itself like thick, warm mud throughout my whole body.

I just want to cry and cry and cry.

I think at first I would have said that I don’t know why I feel this way. It’s easy to say ‘I don’t know’ as the first response to big emotions.
Where did we learn that from?

Is it that we really don’t know?

Or that we weren’t taught to ask ourselves where our feelings are coming from?

Or that we expect instant answers and don’t have experience with allowing the revelations to move through us, though sometimes slowly?

The truth is, I do know why I’m sad.
We have recently had an experience where we were left out of something big. And I want to shake someone and cry and tell them how it feels. I think I’m also sad that being an adult sometimes means that I need to move through my feelings without blaming someone else.

When all I want to do is blame right now. I do.

I want to scream and tell them it’s their fault, and THEY were disrespectful and rude.

Sometimes it’s difficult to know how to handle being hurt by someone. I mean, there are some people (my husband included), where I can speak openly about being hurt. I can discuss it and move through it and we can both understand each other deeper. Then I can box it up in a nice little package, and discard it. Renewed and more connected with myself and the other person. But there are other people that never allow any feelings like that to come close them. They will viciously attack back, even if the intention was to address it in a vulnerable respectful way.

So what do you do with people like that?

With the ones that you don’t feel safe in sharing your feelings with?

And what I am learning is that it is okay for me to FEEL whatever I am feeling. That doesn’t mean that I need to PUT IT ON ANYONE. No one can MAKE me feel a certain way, I know that.

And yet, there is some sadness again.

Each time I write, I learn more about myself. I am learning that I appreciate sharing my feelings, even if it’s hurt and sadness. I appreciate sharing them with someone that is opening to hearing and growing and becoming closer. And for me, sharing, voicing, having a voice, helps me feel stronger as a human.

I think just hearing my voice reminds me that I am okay, and that I am not alone. 

So. It’s sad that there are people (only 1 or 2 now) in my life, that I still cannot share completely with. That they are maybe stuck emotionally and seem to be incapable of opening to vulnerability,
to connection,
to truth. And so something that bonds some of us, needs to be dealt with alone because I don’t feel safe in sharing. 

And maybe the more I get to know myself, and know that I grow through sharing, maybe I also am learning that not everyone does. And that I cannot make someone grow with me and my feelings. That me EXPECTING someone to give a shit about my feelings is also me not recognizing that we are all different.

That we come from different places.
That we need different things.
That we don’t see things that same way and never will.

So here I am, full circle, maybe dipping my toe in a place of compassion. But definitely recognizing that my expectation of other humans and their apparent short falls is actually MY shortfall

And for that, I am also sad.

Tiny Mountains

Here is one of the tiny pieces that I’ve been working on. Sort of a quirky, colorful way of depicting the mountains that we must climb everyday. I love the idea of bringing joy to the mountains in our life. With struggle, we gain strength.

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