Appreciation Here

I appreciate the small warm breeze brushing over my face.

I appreciate being home.

I appreciate getting the laundry done.

I appreciate feeling humbled.

I appreciate having kittens that always want love.

I appreciate there is time to make art.

I appreciate allowing myself to create the new ideas that come to me.

I appreciate the quiet outside.

I appreciate the sun across my cheeks.

I appreciate that I am feeling better than yesterday.

I appreciate I can start over with anything that doesn’t feel right.

I appreciate realizing that I can treat myself better than I have been.

I appreciate following through on my commitments I make to myself.

I appreciate my fresh red pepper juice.

I appreciate that my hubby is too sick to taste the red pepper juice, and drank it easily.

I appreciate feeling at peace.

I appreciate knowing that everything will be put away in time. I don’t need to do it right away.

I appreciate the limitless time I have to create.

I appreciate the new pieces I am creating.

I appreciate my creativity.

I appreciate being able to drive.

Return From Cuba

I just returned from a very long vacation to Cuba. It was informative and interesting and fascinating, and yet sometimes difficult.

We were on a small ship, and my hubby and I were the youngest ones. ahahh Most everyone was at least 70 yrs. old.

One of the things I witnessed about myself along the trip, was that I didn’t take as good of care of myself as I could have.

There were times when I:
went along with things I didn’t want to do,
kept my opinions to myself,
felt put upon and victimized.

Those were the difficult times.

I only got home a couple of days ago, and both my hubby and I unfortunately caught some horrible cold/flu on the ship so we have been in bed late Friday night. I can’t help wondering if our inability to check in with our desires, our need to go along with plans that we didn’t like, and our sometimes dis-empowered feelings contributed to our immune system being lowered enough to get this sick.

Or maybe it was just being stuck on a bus 3 days in a row for 9 hours each, with a bunch of sick humans. ahhah

Whatever it is, what I do know is that when we aren’t being fully ourselves, and not speaking our truth, listening to what WE NEED, life can feel harder than it needs to.

I meditated at home Saturday morning, and just sitting alone in quiet, I realized that I didn’t give myself any of that on the ship. There was a lot of going going going, but I didn’t carve out the space, the time. I didn’t make ME more important. In fact, I somehow fell to the bottom of the list.

It showed me how easily it is to slip away from feeling good. But if we just LISTEN to what’s going on inside, if we honor what we truly need, and speak our truth, suddenly things fall into place. Life feels easier, more enjoyable. I know I feel more sure of myself, more confident, more alive.

So it’s just another lesson, and I can start over any time I need.

Even Though

Even though life has been really busy,

I can decide to take a break.

Even though I feel like I’m running out of time,

I can choose to sit in silence and feel my feelings.

Even though there has been so much emotional pain lately,

I can decide to be gentle on myself knowing that I am doing the best I can.

Even though I feel overwhelmed,

I can trust that my body mind and spirit need rest in order to rejuvenate.

Even though I would love clarity,

I know that searching impatiently won’t bring me closer to what I want. I can enjoy where I am and trust that the answers will always show up.

 

Habit Bull

Hello everyone!

Ahhhh wow, another year is already in full swing. I’m so curious how everyone’s YEAR is feeling so far. I’m surprised that ours started with a bang. It seems like we have been going going going. I’m sure there is a lesson in there somewhere. It feels like this endless cycle of running, and planning, and deciding, and jumping from one thing to the next.

Is anyone else feeling similar?

I wonder if it’s a societal experience that society as a whole is feeling? I am sure our SMART devices, though they are amazing, aren’t really helping us catch our breath, or feeling ‘as one’ or more connected to ourselves. And yet they are so damn addictive! Sheesh! I’m recognizing that there is nothing better than lying in a hot bath with my phone on the other side of the house. And yet, it takes a lot of PLANNING and FOCUS to do that. The habit is to have the phone right next to me most moments. This isn’t healthy, I can tell it’s not.

I know the phone habit thing is experienced by most people, and that it’s a habit to compare ourselves constantly to the phony overly photoshopped pics on Instagram, or the overly embellished stories on Facebook. So I’m going to do my part once again to mess with my phone LESS than I am right now. I feel better about myself with some space away from it. I get more done. I feel like I can HEAR my inner voice better, and it becomes louder. There are so many reasons to disconnect from the phone more often.

If anyone is interested in doing this as well, or if you have another habit you’d like to kick this year,
I found an app for it!
I actually got the app because I have a TERRIBLE habit of picking my fingers and my face. So NOW I can track when I follow through and when I let myself down. Even though I’ve only been doing it a little over a week, and have plenty of days where I haven’t left my fingers (or face) alone, I’m becoming more aware of how often I go to pick and what is going on right before I decide to do it. Aha! So finally this may be the ticket to overcoming some old not cool habits.

Yesssssssssss!

Metamorphosis

I’m enjoying creating this little pieces on hot press watercolor paper. This is about evolving as a human and recognizing how some parts of us no longer fit who we are and what we want. My hope is that all of you are constantly metamorphosing, growing, evolving, changing, and becoming.

 

Commitment

Dammit. It’s 5pm on a Monday and I am JUST SITTING DOWN TO WRITE A BLOG. ahsesorkajbaokenr!!!! Now that I finally understand what the word ‘commitment’ actually means, I’m doing my best to follow through.

And it sucks.

I mean it was much easier a couple months ago when I just moved through my life solely on my emotions. Oh I am sleepy, I don’t feel like doing what I said I would… or ‘oh I’m feeling overwhelmed, I guess it’s okay to cry in bed and do NOTHING ELSE.

But now (unfortunately) I have committed.

No one told me that WHEN I commit, I would actually have to do things sometimes that I don’t want to do. Huh.

Anyway, this is new territory for me.

I am used to letting myself down so it’s totally new that I have decided to follow through anyway.

I have committed.

Regardless of what time it is, or that my hubby is now home and wants to spend time with me. Or that I really want to curl up with my kittens and watch Manifest. I have committed to doing 3 blog posts, and that is what I will do.

There has been a series of crazy, tragic events over here lately, and I am recognizing more and more that no one can save us from ourselves.

Wow. I remember through the years as life wasn’t going the way I hoped/wished/thought it should, that I sorta expected something was just going to LAND on my lap to make everything better. Nothing ever did. And I still had a difficult time following through, finishing, and committing.

The reality is LIFE MOVES ON. Even if we have the coolest most vivid dreams in the world, NO ONE CAN SAVE US FROM FUCKING IT ALL UP.

And then I think back to all the many, many, many times that I thought it was my JOB to save other people. I saw friends/boyfriends/family as not ‘doing it right,’ and it became sorta my mission to help/explain/teach, even if they didn’t want it.

I’m so grateful to FINALLY FINALLY be getting it that:

  1. Everyone is on their own path. The best I can do it butt out and love them where they are.
  2. I’m on my path and anyone telling me how/what to do is an idiot and only basing their thoughts/expectations/point of view on THEIR life. That’s the only perspective we have anyway! HA! How hilarious is that?!
  3. I am the only person that can make my dreams come true and I am the ONLY person that can stop them from happening. It is ME, and ME only.

 

So there you go, life lessons from Jax.

I have committed! I truly believe that the more we COMMIT to something, the more we allow the universe space to bring gifts. Commitment gets the ball rolling, commitment is the key I was missing all along.

Okay have a great night! xo

 

Appreciate More

I appreciate hearing the rain through all the open windows.

I appreciate feeling so much love in my house.

I appreciate that the kittens meditate with me every morning.

I appreciate breathing in the silence.

I appreciate taking baths in the morning.

I appreciate the smell of rain on the sidewalk.

I appreciate that I love spending time with my hubby.

I appreciate having Keeks curl up with me.

I appreciate hearing Keeks laugh.

I appreciate curling up with warm kittens.

I appreciate drinking warm water.

I appreciate the cool wind outside.

I appreciate feeling my heart overflowing with love.

I appreciate having faith.

I appreciate watching the curtain billow in the open window.

I appreciate the anticipation of having my hubby walk in the door.

I appreciate the smell of clean clothes.

 

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