Creating a Life I love Through Art
What??!
Wow! I happened to be surfing Instagram when I came across this gem. These are hyper-realistic portraits made from silk, cotton and wool.
I am so unbelievably fascinated!
The part that I found to be even cooler, is that the back of the embroidery is just as incredible, if not more. Wow! There is so much life and power and movement just beyond what we would normally see. Sheesh…
Check her out:
https://www.instagram.com/caycezavagliastudio/
http://www.caycezavaglia.com/
xo Jax
Finally! School is OVER, (which means driving 3 hours a day is OVER), our lovely vacation with the kids is OVER as well.
So,.. you know what this means….
I can GET TO focus on JACKIE!!!
I’ve realized that over this past year, my thoughts, my energy, my mind, my heart has been devoted to Brian. Getting him into a new school, finding a new therapist, having the answers, driving him all over town, discussing issues with teachers, working out consequences for behavior, long convos about behavior, forgiving, meditating, feeling my feelings of anger and sadness, and literally giving as much as I possibly could to the situation.
But now my friends, is a NEW JACKIE.
Maybe I had to go through all of this to get clearer on WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE.
Because I have plans for ME. I have plans where I get to be ME FULLY, and I can no longer allow those plans and dreams and desires to be covered by the constant needs of this little boy.
We are reaching out for help in other directions and I am practicing saying NO.
If anything, this is teaching me that I DON’T NEED TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. Oh my gawd tears come to my eyes just writing that out. My entire life I have felt that it was my JOB to have all the answers.
To everything.
And I can’t!
I don’t.
I am NOT AN EXPERT in what he needs.
I am ready to happily hand it over to the actual experts so I can enjoy more OF MY LIFE.
I need to be more important than all of these little things that used to occupy my time. I cannot change the situation. I cannot make miracles with everyone that I think needs to change.
I must matter, and so as I enter the summer of 2018, I am reminded that I will be here for me. If I fail to make decisions FOR ME, that is MY FAULT, MY DOING.
I can take care of me first, practice getting comfortable with NOT having all the answers, allow space for my husband and his ex wife to make important decisions, and remember to BREATHE.
I matter. I matter. I matter. xo
If I were to ask myself, ‘what is something I love about who I am?’ I would have to say my passion. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, sometimes I come across as too loud or too firm or too whatever. But the way it pulses through me, igniting me, I would experience life no other way.
It is who I am to the core.
Life for me without the unhinging, tear jerking, screeching, belly laughingly intense passion would be far far less exciting.
In this piece I thought about what happens inside my body when I get an idea. When my blood is pulsing, my heart is pounding and I can see so clearly what I believe, what I want, and what I am creating.
This is my soul on fire.
It’s been a long time since I’ve actually written WRITTEN about my life and my lessons. I had an interesting experience a couple weeks ago that has been a total reset in my life.
Years ago I shared spiritual books with my mother about healing our bodies with our thoughts, visualizations, and focusing on what we appreciate to bring forth what we want in our lives. I remember being so excited to share these things with her. I bought her a book and assumed we would have long chats about it.
However,… it just didn’t stick.
She was in a different place in her life, and even though I was disappointed, I had to let go and let it be.
At the beginning of this year, something pretty amazing happened. My mother got a hold of a book that completely inspired her. She called me in a state of utter joy from the things she was learning about the Universe. All of a sudden, her life began to shift. She started visualizing a new place to live, trusting that it would come to her at the right moment. She began focusing on the parts of her life that she loves.
The words came to her when SHE needed to hear them, and they were written perfectly FOR HER.
Out of nowhere she found this incredible apartment, paid for the first month before her house even had thoughts of selling, and right away her life began taking off in new directionS. The amount of trust she had just blows me away.
Fast forward a couple months, she is in this perfect cabiny apartment with hiking trails around the back, an amazing view, horses in the front, the opportunity to swim in a salt water pool, new, spiritual friends coming out of the woodwork, and the incredible belief that the Universe has her back.
It’s funny, though these have been my beliefs for quite some time, I was getting off track like we all do. I felt tired a lot and was back and forth exhausting my thoughts with things that aren’t working instead of inspiring myself with what is.
Visiting her, and experiencing the magic that just surrounded her wherever she went, was exactly the medicine I needed.
Here I was attempting to TEACH her years ago, and she ends up being the missing piece for me.
Being in her little cabin brought chills to my arms. It is so absolutely HER that I felt like I was in a movie. Wow!
I came home with a new zest for life. A new clarity that the Universe always has our back, and that appreciating where we are now and expecting even more gifts, is what it is all about.
I am so inspired, and love how I am constantly guided to experience exactly what I need at all times.
Being a lover of everything tiny, I have always had a fascination for paper art. Lucila’s work is unbelievable. Her cutouts are incredibly detailed and layered. It feels like walking into another world. Ahh!
She uses her own life to create the stories in her work. Which I love, by the way!
Check her out:
http://lucilabiscione.com/
https://www.instagram.com/lucilabiscione/?hl=en
If I were to paint passion, this is what it would look like.
I have realized lately that though I am creating what feels natural to me, I am craving more meaning. I love depth and so appreciate realizations and growth and change. I know, shocking isn’t it?
This piece is reminding me that I can have an intention for an emotion or feeling and create from there. Ah! This feels like passion, exploding, moving, exploring, vibrating.. Ah!
More and more I am enjoying creating what I naturally do inside my art journal, outside on paper. I know I’ve written a lot about this, but it’s still part of the process. I am realizing that by starting with the paint, I give it a chance to be the main focus. And the rest is play!
Spring is here! Everything is so bright and bursting with life! Ahhhh!!!
“There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.” Zayn Malik
Every New Year, Andy and I choose a word that will inspiring us in the upcoming months, a word that represents what we want to work on. For this year, I chose truth. I’ve known that even thought I’m way better at speaking my truth than I used to be, I still have some work to do. I gotta tell you, even putting that word out into the Universe has brought me face to face with needing to speak it plenty in the past months.
Pretty much everyone in my life I can pretty much speak my truth to. I can be kind and honest and it feels so great to live in that space.
However, there has been one person that I haven’t been able to do it with. One person that I have constantly found myself avoiding saying what needs to be said and ending up doing way more than my share. It’s funny, I built this person up to be larger than just a normal human. I couldn’t imagine speaking all the truth that has been boiling under the surface.
I had realized something a few years back. This wasn’t about her. It was never about her. She’s just a human doing the best she can with what she knows. But for me she represented so much more. Behind her eyes was every situation from way way back where I couldn’t say no. It was every moment where I had smiled through my pain, biting my tongue to stop the tears, and then said ‘sure,’ or ‘I’m fine,’ or ‘what else can I do to help,’ when I wished I could say ‘no more please,’ or ‘please stop,’ or ‘I can’t do this,’ or just ‘NO.’
But yesterday everything changed. It was one of those brilliant moments that show up in our lives when suddenly everything clicks. It was like I knew without a doubt that things needed to shift, and I was ready. Even thought I was scared to speak up, there wasn’t an ounce of uncertainty about what I was saying. I knew in my blood that I had every right to say what I needed to say.
And so, I did.
She stopped talking long enough for me to speak and hearing my voice was shocking.
I thought I would be shaky and awkward and have trouble making eye contact.
But I didn’t.
I was solid.
I was firm.
I was passionate and alive and it felt as if I had just burst at the seams with all my truth.
But I was also kind. I wasn’t lashing out. I was empowered.
And I said NO.
It’s funny, it was fine. The moments passed, the day moved on. Nothing exploded. Nothing struck me down with a golden rode. It was fine.
But I walked away far better than fine.
I honestly believe in that moment my life completely changed. It was as if the energy from the past began healing instantaneously with these energetic explosions, and me walking away like a fucking powerhouse.
Wow. I can speak up. I can make eye contact. I can say no.
And the best part is, I can do it all with so much compassion and love.
So I had never heard of 1440 in Scotts Valley, CA until my sister in law suggested we check it out. There was going to be a speaker there that she loves. I just agreed, because I love her, but still had no idea what I was in for.
Turns out, not only is the facility absolutely incredible and vibrating with energy, the food is phenomenal, the people are full of depth, and the speaker was exactly what I needed to hear.
Sharon Salzberg led us in deep discussions about compassion and love and kindness and tied it up in a nice package of meditation.
There is nothing better than getting an epiphany about something that’s been buzzing around in our heads. That’s exactly what I got. I realized that I’ve been associating doing with being kind. I’ve gotten myself in a situation where I’m doing too much and now I’m drained. In the midst of all of this, hearing Sharon say that we can’t be giving if our vessel isn’t full, I had this realization. As much as I love to give, and I love to help out, if I end up doing more because I feel obligated, than I’m not giving from a good place. If I’m not doing things out of a place that feels good to me it certainly isn’t going to be good for anyone else.
I have known this intellectually, I know that. But something about the way she worded it, totally put me in a place of empowerment. Yes! That’s it! Because I love to give. Me giving isn’t the problem! But when the intention is to ‘make up for someone else,’ that’s not true giving, and that’s why it doesn’t feel right. A ha!
By the way, if you’re needing a place to replenish your body mind and spirit, check out 1440. It is truly amazing. I can’t wait to go back!!
Sunshine and Cerulean 