Flow

I started this piece a couple of weeks ago when I was in the throws of extreme anxiety. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I was obsessing and my heart wouldn’t stop pounding.

So I picked up the paintbrush and let my hand lead. Usually I get super stiff when I attempt something large, but I was in such a state, I hardly noticed that I was working on a 16 x 20 canvas.

As I continued through endless hours of painting movement, I realized the lesson here. Life is always in motion, always in flow; if we allow it. The more that I can remember that, and allow the bigger picture to come into view, I can rise above anxiety.

So here is my first finished piece of flow.

ahhhhh I will be finishing my next very soon! xo

What do I need?

I’ve had an interesting weekend. Actually, it’s been an interesting couple of weeks. Well, if I was REALLY honest, I’d have to say these past 5 months have been ridiculously stressful, interesting and full of twists and turns. It seems like everyday is filled with so many highs and lows. How can they possibly pack into one day???

It’s funny how certain times in our lives are like that. And then there could be years where it feels like there is hardly any movement at all.

In times of a lot of change, I used to be harsh on myself. Feeling like I needed to buckle down, push harder, do more. Being annoyed at myself that I was TIRED or ANGRY or SAD. And that I needed to SWALLOW those feelings down and push.

Now I am (FINALLY) realizing that the chaos is hard enough. Being mean to myself, or expecting so much of myself ends up not helping at all.

So I take a different approach.

I tell my body it is doing awesome. I breathe deeply. I sit in silence. I tell myself I know it’s been stressful and it’s going to all work out, I will be fine. I tell my heart that it is safe and that love surrounds me. I ask myself, “What do I need?” And I listen.

Then I take a nap.

Sometimes life is hard enough. We don’t need to make it worse. In order for me to see the gifts, I need to take care of myself first. Or I will miss all of them!

Sending you all love and light that you will take care of YOU first.

Work It

Happy Friday!
I mentioned in 2017 how difficult it was for me to LEARN the tools necessary to get where I want to get.

For years I think I’ve had it in my brain that certain pieces of life that take TENACITY and FOLLOW THROUGH will just get easier, and I will be skipping my way down the lane without a care in the world. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize that this isn’t the way life works.

We. Have. To. Work. For. What. We. Want. 

Wow. Brain exploding right now.

Now it’s not that I am lazy. I am the opposite in many ways. I have a buzzing brain that is constantly dreaming up amazing ideas, and I am getting things done all the time.

But usually they are only things I enjoy doing. ahahah

One of my GOALS is to be able to sell prints of my artwork (if I choose), and to have a simple, easy to follow website. Wellllll as you can see, the only way I am going to have either of these in my life is to learn some things that I MIGHT NOT LOVE.

Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

It was a tough concept for me to wrap my brain around last year. Partly, I realized during our New Years self exploration week, is that I’ve had a really unhealthy relationship with TIME. I always felt like time was running out, time was disappearing, time was dissolving! With that belief, I never wanted to be stuck doing something that didn’t bring me joy. So instead of sticking with learning something new (like putting together a website I really enjoy),

I would just stick to making art. 

 

I have a really good girlfriend who is also an artist. She told me that she views working on her website just as an extension of her art. Though I love that concept, I hadn’t been able to grasp that idea for myself.

So I fought against it.

I wanted to complain and feel annoyed and irritated that I NEED to take the time to LEARN SOMETHING LIKE THAT. Rrrrrr…

After I realized that time only runs out quickly IF we believe that to be true, everything else has started to shift. I can say that as I sit here learning an online Photoshop class, and genuinely enjoying it. Ha! I am learning! I can understand it and I can see how it will help me get where I want to be. Yessss! 

 

Finally, now I can see the joy in all of it. Time isn’t running out, I have plenty of it, and it’s my job to get where I want to. I can do this. Even if I am tired and long to sit and paint or draw, I can do this first. I can make learning a priority.

 

 

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