Here is something new I’m working on. Ahhhh! I’m loving the process, enjoying the journey of delicious play!
This is on 18×24 paper, so I have a long way to go. Ahhhh
Something New
Picasso
Love this, and it’s so true. I guess that’s what our job is as an artist. Have an idea, and allow it to take it’s own shape and become what it is here to become….
Me Being Me
Wow. My head is literally bursting with so many ideas of new things I want to create and try and experiment with, and FEEL! I am jotting down notes and sketches constantly but am having trouble keeping up!
Though I am consistently inspired by life and everything in it, I sometimes forget that what I create naturally, without even thinking, IS my true nature, and IT. IS. ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH.
It seems like the human condition is the fear that we aren’t enough exactly as who we are. This inner belief that life SHOULD be a struggle, life SHOULD be hard, and if it’s not, well, then… we are just LAZY.
This is how I have felt about art (among everything else in my life). If I wasn’t IN PAIN while working, and so confused and anguished about the project, I would discount it. That’s why a lot of my work wasn’t ‘my work,’ it was stupid little mindless doodles that I couldn’t stop. I convinced myself to feel ashamed that I NEEDED to draw, to create. And that because I feel relaxed and full of joy when the pen takes over and my head stops thinking, that must mean… I AM LAZY and my creations are a waste of time.
So I am starting out this year, aware of my past beliefs related to struggle and ease. I’m going to allow myself to be in utter bliss creating what naturally comes from me, where I don’t think at all about the outcome. I am going to do it without judgement. Maybe this is art as well…. Me being me, just like it is for you to be fully and truthfully and unswayingly YOU.
Creativity Circle, uh yes please.
This morning while I was taking a shower, I was thinking about what to write today.
My love of almond butter?
My attempts at shutting up my super loud, (sorta cute) kitten from meowing me off a ledge?
My present situation with my step children?
My sudden 80’s ballad outbursts?
On one hand, I’m really enjoying getting down my thoughts about life and art and my kitten,.. hahah And yet on another hand, it feels really really yuckily self indulgent.
Normally, if you’d met me in real life, I would tell you less about myself, and I’d be asking a lot of questions. I am very fascinated by people and want to know ALL. OF. IT.
You know what I’d like to do? I’d really like to have a creativity circle where everyone comes, brings the thing they are working on, we each take turns discussing our FEELINGS and our FEARS and we RELISH in the fact that we GET TO CREATE. We can all hear and SUPPORT and VALIDATE each other. Ah!
Doesn’t that sound amazing?
Productive waste of time
Here I am, Monday morning so grateful to be home after an extremely packed weekend at Disneyland. If I were to ask my heart what it wants to do, it would say DRAW! CREATE! PAINT! That is seriously all I want to do. It would probably be wrapped up in emotions and tears and these huge beautiful epiphanies. And yet there is still this silly little part of me that thinks, ‘Noooo that sounds too great, maybe you should find things that need to be CLEANED! FIXED! WORKED ON! Things that don’t make you happy, but make you feel PRODUCTIVE.’
There’s that word, productive.
I remember for years,hoping and wishing and praying and basing everything on FEELING PRODUCTIVE. It had NOTHING to do with if I was HAPPY or RELISHING or GRATEFUL or USING MY GIFTS.
What good is feeling PRODUCTIVE if you aren’t actually accomplishing anything that really matters to you. Just the feeling of PRODUCTIVITY doesn’t mean you’re living your passion, or on your path. To me, many times it can be running in circles very fast just so I feel like I’m kicking my ass. It doesn’t actually mean I’m
DOING ANYTHING WORTHWHILE.
How’s that for weirdness? Is this what we WANT?
What does PRODUCTIVE mask for you? For me, it would hide the fact that I was uncomfortable,
or felt incompetent,
or that I couldn’t say no
or stand up for myself.
I was really good at hiding all of those super yucky feelings under a thick blanket of PRODUCTIVE.
I guess this is just one more thing I’m working on. I love the feeling of starting new projects and finishing them, setting goals of things that I actually really care about. I’m saying no to staying BUSY out of FEAR of facing reality.
Sunshine and Cerulean 