Tag: art

So much to do so much time

In this crazy, buzzy world it’s been so easy to get anxious about TIME.  The day is moving away from me, I didn’t get this done or that or that or that! How frickin’ mind boggling! The day would leave me gasping for breath, unfunctionable and drained.

I’m looking in my art journal right now and it’s full of designs, doodles to try on a larger scale, tiny pen marks that excite me and make me hungry to create. Now, in the past I would see this as something I need to do NOW. RIGHT NOW. LIKE NOW NOW.

But really, the more that I spend time MAKING WORK, the more TIME I realize it actually takes for each piece to make it the way I want it.

The more that I am starting to

CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

Like seriously. I thought I was a pretty chill laid back chic before, but that was only because it was when I was relaxed that I was even aware. I have NOT been relaxed in my life. I’ve been a HARD CORE, FINGER PICKING, STRESS FACE. And you know what, it’s not that great. I didn’t feel great about myself. I didn’t feel strong or magical or at peace. AT all. So I’m not gunna do it anymore.

What is the most loving thing I can do for myself.

Make some fuckin art.

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Productive waste of time

Here I am, Monday morning so grateful to be home after an extremely packed weekend at Disneyland. If I were to ask my heart what it wants to do, it would say DRAW! CREATE! PAINT! That is seriously all I want to do. It would probably be wrapped up in emotions and tears and these huge beautiful epiphanies. And yet there is still this silly little part of me that thinks, ‘Noooo that sounds too great, maybe you should find things that need to be CLEANED! FIXED! WORKED ON! Things that don’t make you happy, but make you feel PRODUCTIVE.’

There’s that word, productive.

I remember for years,hoping and wishing and praying and basing everything on FEELING PRODUCTIVE. It had NOTHING to do with if I was HAPPY or RELISHING or GRATEFUL or USING MY GIFTS.

What good is feeling PRODUCTIVE if you aren’t actually accomplishing anything that really matters to you. Just the feeling of PRODUCTIVITY doesn’t mean you’re living your passion, or on your path. To me, many times it can be running in circles very fast just so I feel like I’m kicking my ass. It doesn’t actually mean I’m

DOING ANYTHING WORTHWHILE.

How’s that for weirdness? Is this what we WANT?

What does PRODUCTIVE mask for you? For me, it would hide the fact that I was uncomfortable,

or felt incompetent,

or that I couldn’t say no

or stand up for myself.

I was really good at hiding all of those super yucky feelings under a thick blanket of PRODUCTIVE.

I guess this is just one more thing I’m working on. I love the feeling of starting new projects and finishing them, setting goals of things that I actually really care about. I’m saying no to staying BUSY out of FEAR of facing reality.

 

 

 

 

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Susan Behnke

Browsing through Instagram, I came across this frickin’awesome artist, Susan Behnke.

I love how detailed her faces are and yet her pieces are so wild and playful and fast. They make me feel like I’m running through a circus late at night. Wow!!

Check her out, you really should! http://www.susanbehnke.com/

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It’s just a belief

 

Every New Years my hubby and I hide away in the mountains and do some intense inner work. One of the things we look at are our beliefs, since we know we can change them. One of the activities I did just a couple months ago during that time in the cabin, was to look at all of my beliefs surrounding the concept of….

THE STARVING ARTIST. dun dun dunnnnnnn!

I hadn’t realized it, but through the years, I’d picked up some pretty horrible lies about being an artist. I believed them FOR SO MANY YEARS. Now, it’s time to change them.

  1. I remember hearing in regards to making work that ‘EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE, YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NEW.’ This belief caused me to become doubtful of my intuition, to question my enthusiasm, and to replay over and over again the REASON for making what my heart wanted so badly to make.
  2.  I believed that the only way to ‘become a successful artist,’ is you need to BEAT THE PAVEMENT with your work. It’s our JOB to walk uphill both ways to galleries, to get our work shown. Ughalkjevo! I’m so drained even thinking about it. Ugh! That doesn’t sound fun, where’s the fun??
  3. I remember hearing (and then believing) that I would need an art degree to be an artist, but then I’d need to TEACH art to get by. I remember the exact moment when I realized this and knew……I NEVER WANT TO TEACH ART. I WANT TO MAKE IT.
  4. If someone would have asked me the characteristics ‘OF AN ARTIST’ even 4-5 years ago, I would have said things like: lazy, irresponsible, late, self-absorbed, unreliable, etc. etc. etc. All the things that I certainly don’t want to be (and actually don’t think I am). But the idea of even being considered AN ARTIST, would have meant that I would have automatically put myself into this category as well.

These are just some of the false beliefs that I learned from a variety of people and situations. They all sound so crazy now, and it’s not anyone’s fault that I picked them up along the way. But no wonder I stopped wanting to be an artist, right? I mean, if I really believed all of these (which I did), and continued to forge ahead with this ARTIST DREAM then I’d be creating a life I. DID. NOT. WANT.

Why does society have such a WRONG idea of what being an artist is, or could be? If I would have realized how much easier life is in general to JUST BE ME, I would have said FUCK YOU to those beliefs long ago.

But at least I can do that now. I can create new beliefs, such as these:

  1. I am here to create work
  2. I can choose my thoughts and create the life I want.
  3. Being an artist is what I do, I can choose my characteristics.
  4. I make money creating art.
  5. My life flows easily because I am being ME fully and completely

Now these feel a lot better!

What are some of your beliefs you’d like to change?

 

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Erin Gregory

Just hangin’ out checking my Instagram, (okay I may officially be addicted) and I came across this lovely artist.

She does a lot of huge floral pieces with oils and acrylics. Usually I’m not a floral girl, but her work feels very raw and wild, despite it being lovely bouquets. I love the organic, passionate, painterly feel.

Check it out! http://www.efgart.com/

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Have I? Have I? Have I?

No matter what I used to do with my time, I’d never feel like I did enough. Anyone ever experience that?

And it was so silly because even if I had a specific LIST of what I wanted to ACCOMPLISH and lets say I did everything on that list, at the end of the day, I still had this nagging feeling of not doing enough, not being enough, not.. ENOUGH.

It’s interesting, where did that start? Are we taught this? Are some of us taught that? All of us? Did society do this? Does it stem from a deeply rooted belief that we AREN’T ENOUGH? That our core isn’t okay? That our decisions with HOW we spend our time isn’t quite right?

And even that, where did it start? Is it not trusting our intuition with what we need when we need it, and constantly feeling like we need to check in with others to see if

WE ARE OKAY,

IF WE ARE ENOUGH?

As you can probably see, I like to dig for the answers. I want to KNOW.

Anyway, I may never know THE ANSWER,

but I’m starting to just take the pressure off myself a bit more everyday, and I think part of that is because I’m embracing

Who. I. Am.

FINALLY!!

I realized, that regardless of my LIST, if I can spend more time in the moment, whatever that looks like to me, at the end of the day I feel more FULFILLED and less anxious about not ACCOMPLISHING ENOUGH.

Thank Gawd for that. Because what’s the point of life anyway? I’d like to think it’s to be happy and have peace and joy and play and growth, and truly be able to RELISH all of it, eat it with a spoon, gulp it down, with tears rolling down my cheeks,

FEEL ALL OF IT.

LIVE ALL OF IT.

 

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Marissa Quinn

So I was browsing through Instagram the other day and came across this amazing artist. She makes a lot of huge pen and ink drawings using images of animals and water. They are spiritually charged, intense, meditative, and emotive. Her detailed work is absolutely mind blowing.

Check her out!
http://www.marissaquinn-art.com/shop

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Precious again

I just finished the previous ‘precious’ blog post, and then I realized..

I. Have. More. To. Write.

This whole concept of PRECIOUS fits for all areas of life, not just making art! I hadn’t recognized that before, but it’s true. If anything in our lives is TOO PRECIOUS, that we feel we need to BE CAREFUL, we will never let it blossom into what it’s here to be.

This is a funny realization because just a couple of days ago I had written in my art journal about never wanting anyone to BE CAREFUL WITH ME. I love passionate, honest, raw interactions, and I never ever ever want someone to feel like they need to HANDLE ME WITH CARE, as if I will break.

Maybe part of what life is about is loving ourselves enough that we welcome honesty and surround ourselves with people that will speak the truth to us in a loving, respectful way.

Since I am this mother now, (I feel more and more like a mom even in my stepmom status) I usually think about how all of my learnings effect the kids in our lives. Teaching them to not need people to TIPTOE AROUND THEM, TREAD LIGHTLY, SPEAK HALF TRUTHS.

Don’t we want our kids to embrace the realness they see in others, desire honesty, and learn from mistakes? Then we need to be willing to do the same.

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Finally the rain has stopped! The sun is already shining and all I want to do is be outside. I think I’m going to take my paper and pens and draw OUT THERE. I’ve been dying for Vitamin D.

I was working on this new thing yesterday, and I have no idea how it’ll turn out. I think the NOT KNOWING is what used to cause me a lot of anxiety before. That’s probably why I just drew in my art journal so I wouldn’t have to feel the feelings of heading in the wrong direction or making a mistake. Oh the pain of

MAKING A MISTAKE.

 

But now for some reason, I’m enjoying the newness, the curiosity!

Oh! And I’ve realized something.

In order for us (all of us) to make work. Probably any kind of work, we can’t see it as precious. We can’t see it as the best thing we have ever done and that it must be regarded with extreme care and tip toed around.

We have to be willing to take risks, and listen to those hits of intuition. If what we make is TOO SPECIAL and PRECIOUS it causes us to be TOO scared we will mess it up.

If we see everything as just play and curiosity, and we know we are constantly evolving our work, our life, then it’s not PRECIOUS, never to be recreated achievements,.. it’s just mirrors of our creativity that we allow to fall where they may.

Just another rant from me.

I’m going to make some very NON-precious work. ha!

 

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