Category: My Art

Coming Back to This

I attempted this piece awhile back. It’s sort of like what I have in my art journal, but for some reason feels really expected and not very exciting. I’m going to keep working on it though and adding a different feeling to it. It’s funny how sometimes being inspired by an earlier silly doodle doesn’t always lead to a piece looking the way I want it. Maybe it’s because of the effortless flow from art journal versus actually attempting to CREATE SOMETHING. Hmmm

But after reading Big Magic for the 3rd time, I’m reminding myself that my work doesn’t need to be PERFECT or even AMAZING. I do, however, need to get it FINISHED. So it will get finished no matter what!

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DISCIPLINE

Ah! There’s that word discipline.

The funny thing is I didn’t know I had a bit of an issue with it. I actually thought I was pretty disciplined. And maybe I am; with things I enjoy.

But is it discipline if you enjoy the tasks at hand? Maybe that’s just being in the zone? Maybe that’s being in a passionate place of creation. Straight up DISCIPLINE may be more like pushing yourself to get the stuff done that you don’t like, that doesn’t give you energy, but that you know need to get finished.

Anyway, this morning during a call with my coach, I realized something. Deciding to work on art, and make money from art is a great thing. But only doing the parts of it that I enjoy, and leaving everything else out, is reeeeeeeeeeeeeealllyyyyyyyyyyy not going to work.

It’s funny, intellectually I know this. I know that in order to have a BUSINESS, I have to work on the business.

I need a website.
I need to learn Photoshop so I can manipulate my work.
I need to spend time creating an Etsy shop.
I need to do marketing.
I need a point of view!

However. I’ve had a habit of just doing what feels good. I’ll curl up and draw or paint for hours and I will feel warmth and connected to my soul and so very grateful. I will actually FEEL like I’m moving ahead! That I have been working! That’s all rainbows and unicorns but it’s not doing THE WORK for the business.

Hm.. Maybe I’m at a place in my life where I can handle a tweak in my discipline.
(Big shocker alert!) I may need to do something different if I want different results.

So. I have a new goal. Everyday I will do (at least) ONE THING for the business side. This does NOT include making work. I’m going to make it a habit to get the business stuff worked on, and who knows, I might even enjoy it!

Ah! Here’s to learning DISCIPLINE! 

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Back to the art

One of the things I know I need no matter what,
is to create.

If I’m feeling full of joy, I still long to make things. If I’m having a hard time, there is almost nothing I want to do more than sit down with a cup of tea and get lost in a doodle or drawing.

It’s funny, the more that I’m serious about FINISHING pieces, the more I’m craving to curl up and play with my art journal. The place that doesn’t need to look ‘done’ ever. Because it never is.

Here’s something I’ve been working on the last couple of days. Ahhhhh I could do it all day long!

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Finished!

After a bunch more hours and hundreds of new lines,.. I am finished! I really enjoyed making this piece. In hindsight there were probably much quicker ways to get the same results but that’s okay! Trial and error, right? I’m liking the contracting colors but it’d be fun to put into Photoshop and change everything up. Hmmm!!

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Microscopic

So one of the things I’m super fascinated with is microscopic photos of cells. Ahhhh!! I want to paint them!! I’ve seen some amazingly detailed pictures of flower and plant cells and have been planning on creating something that is inspired by that. Though I still may do that, I stumbled upon something sooooooooooooooooooooo freakin cool.

I loved Neuropsychology and Molecular Biology and at one time thought maybe I’d become a college professor to teach this stuff. I was so unbelievable fascinated! Well….. I happen to come across photos of oxytocin, and adrenaline under a microscope. Ahhhh!

And! Human body cells,… like heart, skin, and embryos! Oh my gosh I can barely breathe, I’m so excited. What if I created pieces based on these??? Wow. Finding similarities between the microscopic photos so they create a sort of story or message,.. like the heart cells interwoven with oxytocin… Or heart, skin and brain.

Ahhhh! I just needed to get this out there. My heart is beating so fast. ahhah!!

Okay okay I’ll post when I have something.

xo

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Ink and Paper and Detail, Oh My!

So I get really excited with newness. I love the replenishing wave of a fresh passion, it’s so invigorating. But I’ve realized through the years that I’ve had a tendency to NOT FINISH what I start because of this. I love the first bursts of creativity, but it tends to wane for some reason. I’ve realized that maybe it’s because I haven’t known how to end what I’m currently working on, or just dislike feeling stuck with any part of it. All valid reasons, but having a bunch of unfinished art work sitting around isn’t going to work for me anymore.

Lately when I get a burst of a new idea, I jot it down quickly in my art journal, relishing the moment I get to try it out, but not giving in to the temptation.

However. I could. Not. Stop. Thinking about this one. I was having these vivid daydreams of sitting on the floor surrounded with liquid ink and tiny black pens and just allowing whatever my fingers decided to create, to come forth.

So, I stopped what I was doing and started this. Sometimes you just have to follow the passion. Ah! Loving working on this!!

The only thing is that I was so excited to start that I didn’t properly prepare the watercolor paper. So the paper rippled, and now needs to have some books stacked on top to straighten it out. Next time I have gotta take a deep breath,..

and take my time!

Does anyone have any great suggestions for 140lbs. hot press watercolor paper? I’ve heard putting it in the bathtub for awhile works well…. Love some advice!

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Jump Scared and Grow into Brave

For years I knew I wanted to do super awesome things and for some reason I thought they were literally going to be dropped on my porch. Like someone would maybe even stop me on the side of the road and say, “Excuse me, are you Jackie? We have an exciting life for you! Just follow me!”

Obviously that didn’t happen, but I spent a lot of time WAITING FOR IT.

I knew the things I sorta kinda wanted but my FEAR was way too great to do anything physical about it.

Slowly through the years I’ve realized a bit about getting what we want. Even if we have the best intentions for receiving the life we want, but we refuse to take any risks at all,.. WE WON’T GET IT. We won’t.

If we refuse to quit the job that is draining the life out of us, or say no way to standing up for ourselves, or taking a class to learn a new skill we have really been wanting,.. if we aren’t willing to RISK, and to be BRAVE,….

WE. WILL. NOT. CHANGE.

I’m totally in my element now, making art. Making art for me, isn’t a risk, it’s a necessity. But I am DEFINITELY making sure to take little risks everyday.

Here are the risks I’ve been taking lately:

  • Writing this blog – Puts my voice out there! My innermost feelings and joys and pains. It feels vulnerable and not always that comfortable.
  • Making a Facebook business page of my art – I literally cringed when I started inviting people to like it. Ah! I feel so exposed! ughaserk!
  • Posting Doodle-a-Day photos for Instagram – I’ve never never been one to show my work, it feels like I’m being a show off. And yet, art is my heart and soul, and I’m no longer going to hide.
  • Saying I’m an artist – There’s a part of me that feels uncomfortable saying I’m an artist, and yet I know that BEING AN ARTIST sings through my veins, and so I suck it up, and say it anyway.

With each of these circumstances, my heart starts racing, my palms get sweaty, I feel nauseous and fiercely anxious. None of them are easy for me. And yet,… I know that this is where I will grow. I think back to all the times that I thought I might take a jump and then quickly replaced that thought with this one:

‘That sounds really scary, I think I’ll wait until I’m braver.’

I realize now, that we don’t just become brave. Bravery doesn’t just appear so the jump is easier.

If we jump scared, then we grow into being brave.  

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Looking For Art

Before I started this blog,

before I was waking up every morning excited to create ART,

I was attempting to get a couple other business ideas going. I’ve always been severely passionate about many things and it seemed like I could swing quickly from one idea to another.

This would cause a lot of stress for me. I thought I SHOULD have been the kind of person that decided what I wanted to do at 18, went for it, and then that would be my life.

Life wasn’t like this for me at all. I have been all over the map! I’ve had plenty of corporate jobs with sales and recruiting and marketing and customer service. (I secretly wished I loved them enough for them to be ENOUGH), and then I’ve also had different kinds of jobs off the normal job scale, working for a spiritual healer, and in a trendy shop in Venice, California. Jobs that seemed kinda kick back and not very ambitious. And yet, I learned parts of myself that I didn’t know existed. As I look back, any of these jobs that I had where I was working FOR someone, no matter what they were, they were based on providing me with either enough resources to make art, or time to do it.

All of that is fine, except that I judged myself horribly for this. I thought “What is wrong with you, Jackie, that you need to create?” “Can’t you just find a CAREER and stick to it?”Even though my heart LONGED to create, I felt like needing to make art, was kind of in the way.

Life would be easier if I was simpler. 

It’s funny that I’ve longed to have one career, when I know many people change what they are doing or wanting to do throughout their lives. But we are always evolving anyway, so it makes sense that how we want to show up in the world changes as well.

So back to my own businesses I was in the middle of… They were based on things that I like, and one was even concepts that I was PASSIONATE about; when I was working in a corporate setting. And yet, the actual work, the planning workshops, the research, not that horrible, but not super fun. The whole time I was doing this WORK for these businesses, I secretly wanted to be making art. Isn’t that funny?

And then I realized:

I decided to do these other businesses because I thought they would MAKE MONEY. And then if I was successful enough, maybe

I’D HAVE TIME TO MAKE ART.

What I really wanted to do,…

WAS MAKE ART.

It’s always always been that, but because I didn’t trust that I’d be taken care of, that I have been given these gifts for a reason, I’ve searched for YEARS to find JOBS and my own BUSINESSES that will give me the joy and fulfillment that art does.

So there’s been this part of me that feels embarrassed that I’ve changed my mind so many times, and yet,.. as I look at it, I haven’t changed my mind at all. I’ve known all along that I wanted to make art, I just didn’t allow myself to do it.

Yet another lesson I’m seeing, is to use the gifts that I have been given to create the life that my soul longs for. I am doing that! I am starting to believe that the more I fill my heart with love and do things that genuinely bring me joy, the more the right people, the right situations will find me.

 

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New Universe

Here is a new piece I’m working on. The more I play with it, the more I like it  I kinda like the different shades of orange and blue moving together.

It feels like an intergalactic universe, where everything is connected to each other. Like life I guess. I love learning about all the energy that bounces off of us from person to person, or how intuition creeps into us from a visceral level. We are all so connected to each other and the universe. Ah!

I usually do pieces like this with only black ink, so it’s really fun to be playing with color.

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Where’s the PASSION

I was talking to my hubby this morning. We have both been in the middle of an emotional upheaval and have felt so drained. I was telling him that lately I’ve just felt so tired, just longing to be back in bed, curled up.

I really dislike this feeling. Now I know when life is emotionally and mentally exhausting, it’s important to sleep. I got it. But I’ve had ENOUGH of that.

What I’ve realized about myself, is that if I’m not in a place of passion, I tend to get tired more quickly.

When I’m MAKING ART, and WRITING BLOGS and bubbling over with enthusiasm, I don’t need so much sleep. I jump out of bed at 4:30am, buzzing to create. My day is full of visions of what to make next, or the waves of paint swelling on my paper. I spend my time relishing what I’m grateful for and knowing that life is bringing me what is best for me. I am kind, I am fun, I am playful and silly and feel beautiful.

It’s not MORE sleep that I need, it’s taking a huge messy bite out of PASSION. Ah!

How can I get back to passion when I’ve been handling life stuff for so many days?

  1. Name off what I am grateful for. Set alarms if I need to.
  2. Meditate more often than I think necessary.
  3. Draw everything
  4. Release emotions (I work best if I cry at least every other day)
  5. Start something new
  6. Get my paints ready, and work on one of my pieces. Everything else can wait!
  7. Dump paint into my art journal and PLAY! The less thinking the better.

 

BURN

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