Goes Around and Around

What we send out into the world, always comes back. I have to remind myself of this when I am annoyed and angry and irritated or just hungry and tired. That’s not the reason for me to attempt to be the best version of myself, but it’s good for me to keep in mind. I’m working on feeling my feelings fully (and eating when I’m a total b****) so I can be present with showing up in a place of gratitude, joy, and kindness. And yet, I’m constantly seeing I need to forgive myself when I don’t do it the way I’d like.

Sending you all love, peace and harmony. May you have the desire to follow your own heart and the bravery to speak your truth.

July 13, 2018 0

SUMMER!

Finally! School is OVER, (which means driving 3 hours a day is OVER), our lovely vacation with the kids is OVER as well.

So,.. you know what this means….

I ~~can~~ GET TO focus on JACKIE!!!

I’ve realized that over this past year, my thoughts, my energy, my mind, my heart has been devoted to Brian. Getting him into a new school, finding a new therapist, having the answers, driving him all over town, discussing issues with teachers, working out consequences for behavior, long convos about behavior, forgiving, meditating, feeling my feelings of anger and sadness, and literally giving as much as I possibly could to the situation.

But now my friends, is a NEW JACKIE.

Maybe I had to go through all of this to get clearer on WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE.

Because I have plans for ME. I have plans where I get to be ME FULLY, and I can no longer allow those plans and dreams and desires to be covered by the constant needs of this little boy.

We are reaching out for help in other directions and I am practicing saying NO.

If anything, this is teaching me that I DON’T NEED TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. Oh my gawd tears come to my eyes just writing that out. My entire life I have felt that it was my JOB to have all the answers.

To everything.

And I can’t!

I don’t.

I am NOT AN EXPERT in what he needs.

I am ready to happily hand it over to the actual experts so I can enjoy more OF MY LIFE.

I need to be more important than all of these little things that used to occupy my time. I cannot change the situation. I cannot make miracles with everyone that I think needs to change.

I must matter, and so as I enter the summer of 2018, I am reminded that I will be here for me. If I fail to make decisions FOR ME, that is MY FAULT, MY DOING.

I can take care of me first, practice getting comfortable with NOT having all the answers, allow space for my husband and his ex wife to make important decisions, and remember to BREATHE.

I matter. I matter. I matter. xo

July 6, 2018 0

Soul on Fire

If I were to ask myself, ‘what is something I love about who I am?’ I would have to say my passion. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, sometimes I come across as too loud or too firm or too whatever. But the way it pulses through me, igniting me, I would experience life no other way.

It is who I am to the core.

Life for me without the unhinging, tear jerking, screeching, belly laughingly intense passion would be far far less exciting.

In this piece I thought about what happens inside my body when I get an idea. When my blood is pulsing, my heart is pounding and I can see so clearly what I believe, what I want, and what I am creating.

This is my soul on fire.

May 31, 2018 0

Intention

I know, it’s been forever since I’ve written on this blog. The last couple of weeks have been extremely stressful, and I’ve gone back to the basics, meditation and making art. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough. Enough marketing! Enough working on my website! Enough learning Photoshop. But honestly, I am slowly learning that getting myself into a good place is more important than writing on this, or sending my art out into social media. I just need to reclaim Jackie, and I know how to do it.

Anyway, this is a piece I made while thinking of the concept of ‘Intention.’ The way a direction, an intention moves through us, sinking into our reality. This is what happened when I painted intention. I appreciate the movement of it and the way it feels like it’s burrowing into something, planting. These current pieces I’m working on are showcasing the paint instead of letting the pen stand out. I feel like my style is coming out of this. ah!

This was so much fun and I can’t wait to create more based on feelings and affirmations I want to experience more in my life. YEsssssssssssssss

May 18, 2018 0

Passion

If I were to paint passion, this is what it would look like.

I have realized lately that though I am creating what feels natural to me, I am craving more meaning. I love depth and so appreciate realizations and growth and change. I know, shocking isn’t it?

This piece is reminding me that I can have an intention for an emotion or feeling and create from there. Ah! This feels like passion, exploding, moving, exploring, vibrating.. Ah!

April 23, 2018 0

Color and Light

More and more I am enjoying creating what I naturally do inside my art journal, outside on paper. I know I’ve written a lot about this, but it’s still part of the process. I am realizing that by starting with the paint, I give it a chance to be the main focus. And the rest is play!

April 16, 2018 0

10 Minute Challenge

To keep myself in a playful creative dance, I’ve started doing these little 10 minute mini challenges. I will paint and draw whatever comes to mind, without thinking it through. It’s becoming a really fun way to play with what is there without the judgement.

Yessssssss! Trickin’ the system.

April 6, 2018 0

Sunshine

Spring is here! Everything is so bright and bursting with life! Ahhhh!!!

“There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.” Zayn Malik

March 30, 2018 0

Play = Me

This is a little fluid piece that I was playing with in my art book. Like I mentioned before, I am making it a goal to incorporate more painting and pen play into the big pieces I am doing. It doesn’t make sense to have this fluid easy play in my art journal, and not just make these ideas into bigger pieces.

I think I still struggle sometimes with keeping the flow alive. Once I know I am ‘creating art,’ I tend to lock up a bit as if I’m afraid of making a mistake. However when I am PLAYING in my book, the fear of mistakes is gone.

So like I have said before, the only way out is through. That must mean I just need to make more WORK.

I know that my true voice is the voice that rings out in my moments of sheer joy, and total flow. So incorporating the parts the naturally show up when I’m not trying at all, is what I am aiming for.

My intention is to live my truest self, in my art and in all areas of life….

Sending you all love and light, and hope that you’re feeding your inner artist…..

xo Jax

March 12, 2018 0