So much to do so much time

In this crazy, buzzy world it’s been so easy to get anxious about TIME.  The day is moving away from me, I didn’t get this done or that or that or that! How frickin’ mind boggling! The day would leave me gasping for breath, unfunctionable and drained.

I’m looking in my art journal right now and it’s full of designs, doodles to try on a larger scale, tiny pen marks that excite me and make me hungry to create. Now, in the past I would see this as something I need to do NOW. RIGHT NOW. LIKE NOW NOW.

But really, the more that I spend time MAKING WORK, the more TIME I realize it actually takes for each piece to make it the way I want it.

The more that I am starting to

CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

Like seriously. I thought I was a pretty chill laid back chic before, but that was only because it was when I was relaxed that I was even aware. I have NOT been relaxed in my life. I’ve been a HARD CORE, FINGER PICKING, STRESS FACE. And you know what, it’s not that great. I didn’t feel great about myself. I didn’t feel strong or magical or at peace. AT all. So I’m not gunna do it anymore.

What is the most loving thing I can do for myself.

Make some fuckin art.

It’s just a belief

 

Every New Years my hubby and I hide away in the mountains and do some intense inner work. One of the things we look at are our beliefs, since we know we can change them. One of the activities I did just a couple months ago during that time in the cabin, was to look at all of my beliefs surrounding the concept of….

THE STARVING ARTIST. dun dun dunnnnnnn!

I hadn’t realized it, but through the years, I’d picked up some pretty horrible lies about being an artist. I believed them FOR SO MANY YEARS. Now, it’s time to change them.

  1. I remember hearing in regards to making work that ‘EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE, YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NEW.’ This belief caused me to become doubtful of my intuition, to question my enthusiasm, and to replay over and over again the REASON for making what my heart wanted so badly to make.
  2.  I believed that the only way to ‘become a successful artist,’ is you need to BEAT THE PAVEMENT with your work. It’s our JOB to walk uphill both ways to galleries, to get our work shown. Ughalkjevo! I’m so drained even thinking about it. Ugh! That doesn’t sound fun, where’s the fun??
  3. I remember hearing (and then believing) that I would need an art degree to be an artist, but then I’d need to TEACH art to get by. I remember the exact moment when I realized this and knew……I NEVER WANT TO TEACH ART. I WANT TO MAKE IT.
  4. If someone would have asked me the characteristics ‘OF AN ARTIST’ even 4-5 years ago, I would have said things like: lazy, irresponsible, late, self-absorbed, unreliable, etc. etc. etc. All the things that I certainly don’t want to be (and actually don’t think I am). But the idea of even being considered AN ARTIST, would have meant that I would have automatically put myself into this category as well.

These are just some of the false beliefs that I learned from a variety of people and situations. They all sound so crazy now, and it’s not anyone’s fault that I picked them up along the way. But no wonder I stopped wanting to be an artist, right? I mean, if I really believed all of these (which I did), and continued to forge ahead with this ARTIST DREAM then I’d be creating a life I. DID. NOT. WANT.

Why does society have such a WRONG idea of what being an artist is, or could be? If I would have realized how much easier life is in general to JUST BE ME, I would have said FUCK YOU to those beliefs long ago.

But at least I can do that now. I can create new beliefs, such as these:

  1. I am here to create work
  2. I can choose my thoughts and create the life I want.
  3. Being an artist is what I do, I can choose my characteristics.
  4. I make money creating art.
  5. My life flows easily because I am being ME fully and completely

Now these feel a lot better!

What are some of your beliefs you’d like to change?

 

Kitten on a Leash

20170220_161556It’s just another Thursday, walking my cat down the street.

They said it couldn’t be done, but my desire for a small furry animal to walk with me (and then hopefully learn to jaunt), outweighed the obvious absurdity of even attempting such a task.

We’d practiced for months inside using a leash and now he’s a full blown front lawn explorer. Yesss!!!! We. Frickin’. Did it.

This is a pic of my bonus daughter taking Nova out and about. They are such a good team!

 

 

Marissa Quinn

So I was browsing through Instagram the other day and came across this amazing artist. She makes a lot of huge pen and ink drawings using images of animals and water. They are spiritually charged, intense, meditative, and emotive. Her detailed work is absolutely mind blowing.

Check her out!
http://www.marissaquinn-art.com/shop

Finally the rain has stopped! The sun is already shining and all I want to do is be outside. I think I’m going to take my paper and pens and draw OUT THERE. I’ve been dying for Vitamin D.

I was working on this new thing yesterday, and I have no idea how it’ll turn out. I think the NOT KNOWING is what used to cause me a lot of anxiety before. That’s probably why I just drew in my art journal so I wouldn’t have to feel the feelings of heading in the wrong direction or making a mistake. Oh the pain of

MAKING A MISTAKE.

 

But now for some reason, I’m enjoying the newness, the curiosity!

Oh! And I’ve realized something.

In order for us (all of us) to make work. Probably any kind of work, we can’t see it as precious. We can’t see it as the best thing we have ever done and that it must be regarded with extreme care and tip toed around.

We have to be willing to take risks, and listen to those hits of intuition. If what we make is TOO SPECIAL and PRECIOUS it causes us to be TOO scared we will mess it up.

If we see everything as just play and curiosity, and we know we are constantly evolving our work, our life, then it’s not PRECIOUS, never to be recreated achievements,.. it’s just mirrors of our creativity that we allow to fall where they may.

Just another rant from me.

I’m going to make some very NON-precious work. ha!

 

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