New Life

Here’s the reality,… I am starting to own more of WHO I am. All of me: the parts that are uncomfortable being seen, the moments where I want to cry but I don’t know why, the pieces that feel super insecure and awkward, the times when I get a sliver of knowing why I am here and WHAT I have to offer…. all of it. This is one demonstration of it: I sat down with colors in my right hand, and a buzzing alert black pen in my left. This is usually when I stifle myself. This is usually when I feel stupid and childlike and don’t see myself as anything else,… but this time I let myself create. I let myself be who I am naturally, without once pausing to see if it it was okay or right or enough. I just let color and lines and life and flow pour out of me, and I wanted to cry.

Why Why do we make life so much harder than we need to?

This is me fully and completely, naturally. Without wishing I was more or more subtle or different. This is me in all my loud passion and my delicious quiet. This is me weeping with colors and dancing with rhythms. This is the part of me that always seemed wrong or bad, and still took up space, even when I wish it hadn’t.

This is what is real.

This is me.

Me Being Me

Wow. My head is literally bursting with so many ideas of new things I want to create and try and experiment with, and FEEL! I am jotting down notes and sketches constantly but am having trouble keeping up!

Though I am consistently inspired by life and everything in it, I sometimes forget that what I create naturally, without even thinking, IS my true nature, and IT. IS. ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH.

It seems like the human condition is the fear that we aren’t enough exactly as who we are. This inner belief that life SHOULD be a struggle, life SHOULD be hard, and if it’s not, well, then… we are just LAZY.

This is how I have felt about art (among everything else in my life). If I wasn’t IN PAIN while working, and so confused and anguished about the project, I would discount it. That’s why a lot of my work wasn’t ‘my work,’ it was stupid little mindless doodles that I couldn’t stop. I convinced myself to feel ashamed that I NEEDED to draw, to create. And that because I feel relaxed and full of joy when the pen takes over and my head stops thinking, that must mean… I AM LAZY and my creations are a waste of time.

So I am starting out this year, aware of my past beliefs related to struggle and ease. I’m going to allow myself to be in utter bliss creating what naturally comes from me, where I don’t think at all about the outcome. I am going to do it without judgement. Maybe this is art as well…. Me being me, just like it is for you to be fully and truthfully and unswayingly YOU.

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