Without My Art Journal

Like I mentioned at the beginning of the year, my art journal is a bit of a safety net for me. I feel SAFE taking risks on it. It’s fluid and playful and scribbling and messy and yet I get a chance to be a bit daring and then I can close the book and no one has to look at it.
I’ve known for a long time that the freedom I feel from ‘playing’ as I call it, in my art journal NEEDS to come out on actual pieces. If I want to show anything ever, I would like to be more comfortable with myself so that I can just make something without the journal. Something that has the same playful, effortless feel as working in that book.

It’s starting to get easier.

Lately I’ve been in the middle of a lot of little things OUTSIDE of the art journal. Yessss. This one I started out a bit cautiously. I could feel the apprehension building in my hands and arms as I worked. But when I have my art journal open close by, I’m reminded that I can create, I am an artist, and I just need to trust and relax. The more I worked, the more I began listening to those little intuitive hits that always bubble up when I’m working in the journal. I began relaxing into it. It felt so amazing to conquer that! I can feel easy and light no matter what or how I am creating. I can feel confident about myself and what I am doing. Ahhhh!
Ah! So so so appreciative of all the ideas that are spilling over in my brain. I am loving experiencing each and every one of them!

Sending you all love and joy on your creative journey!

Messy

My dear sweet warm loving hubby told me yesterday that I am messy,

and he’s right.

I am messy.

Before I lived with him, I thought I was laid back. I thought I was nonchalant and super chill and I was so wrong. When I lived alone, I’d hide away in my house when I had FEELINGS so no one knew I did. I was so embarrassed about having them, I sort of forgot myself.

But when you live with someone, they SEE IT ALL,

and I. Am. Messy.

I can go from 0-60 in 2 seconds flat. I can be calm and then freakin’ lose it.

I can jump to conclusions, interrupt, burst into tears, and shut down completely. He doesn’t know what he’s going to get at any moment in time and I’m sure it’s totally annoying.

But just like¬†everyone, ¬†I am trying to figure it out. Sometimes I feel like I’ve got life under control and I feel enthusiastic, and uplifted and ready and alive. Other times I feel incompetent and petty and wrong.

Maybe I’m way more emotional then others. Maybe I’m a little bit scarier than some. But we all have STUFF and I’ll continue to learn and grow to become the best version of me that I can.

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