Creating a Life I love Through Art
I am loving these gesturally exciting abstract paintings. They are full of movement and sexuality and bodies dancing together. Ahhhh!
I’d love to see one up close.
Check her out:
http://www.cecilybrown.net/
https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/cecilybrown/
http://www.artnet.com/artists/cecily-brown/
Hello everyone!
Wow…. can’t believe October is already beginning. Life is moving so quickly.
I have committed to finishing things I start, and handling all of the elements for my art business. I know I have complained a lot about some of these tasks, but… I am doing them!
I am feeling capable!
I am seeing myself transform and it is FROM ME!
So here is something I learned a week ago that is really really helping me. When there is a task that I am not excited to do, I can trick myself into getting way more done anyway. I set my timer for a short amount of time. It can be 30 minutes, or 20 or even 5. Lez be honest, sometimes 30 minutes seems way too long. But the cool thing is I am getting these incredible moments of being hyper FOCUSED on what I want to work on. It’s amazing how much I can get accomplished in such a short period of time.
Does anyone out there also struggle with focus? I’d love to hear your tricks to getting things done.
Anyway, I’m really proud of myself and am loving feeling like I can do anything I focus on. Yessss!
Sheesh! It seems like every couple of months I realize that I am NOT moving through life the way I’d like, and I need to
START
OVER.
It’s one of those times right now.
It’s actually exciting though. Do you ever feel that way? I mean after feeling the disappointment and exhaustion and like you aren’t doing enough and like you’re NOT GOING ANYWHERE. After all that, there is this glimmer of excitement.
I get to start over.
Again and again. I don’t have to do things the way I’ve always done them!
I can CHOOSE another path.
I’ve realized through my life not just right now, that when things have gotten really hard, I have not only slowed down but stopped. I have a difficult time moving through the things I’m not comfortable with. I’m sure we are all that way to an extent, but in order for ANYTHING to happen the way we want, we need to be willing to do things that are HARD, UNCOMFORTABLE, SCARY.
So today, after years of whining and complaining about having to learn photoshop, I sat down, and fuckin learned some things I THOUGHT were going to be sooooo hard. And it’s 11am, and I’m feeling great. Hellooooooooooooo fear, I don’t need to listen to you. I don’t need to listen to the 16 year old part of me that expects everything to be easy or I don’t do it.
I am resilient, I am strong, I am brave. And I can totally kick ass. It’s my choice.
Wow! I am enjoying starting my week this way.
xo
I’ve had an interesting weekend. Actually, it’s been an interesting couple of weeks. Well, if I was REALLY honest, I’d have to say these past 5 months have been ridiculously stressful, interesting and full of twists and turns. It seems like everyday is filled with so many highs and lows. How can they possibly pack into one day???
It’s funny how certain times in our lives are like that. And then there could be years where it feels like there is hardly any movement at all.
In times of a lot of change, I used to be harsh on myself. Feeling like I needed to buckle down, push harder, do more. Being annoyed at myself that I was TIRED or ANGRY or SAD. And that I needed to SWALLOW those feelings down and push.
Now I am (FINALLY) realizing that the chaos is hard enough. Being mean to myself, or expecting so much of myself ends up not helping at all.
So I take a different approach.
I tell my body it is doing awesome. I breathe deeply. I sit in silence. I tell myself I know it’s been stressful and it’s going to all work out, I will be fine. I tell my heart that it is safe and that love surrounds me. I ask myself, “What do I need?” And I listen.
Then I take a nap.
Sometimes life is hard enough. We don’t need to make it worse. In order for me to see the gifts, I need to take care of myself first. Or I will miss all of them!
Sending you all love and light that you will take care of YOU first.
Working through it,
learning,
growing,
discovering,..
and then beginning to understand how it all fits together.
The things I did, the things I didn’t.
The parts I wanted to hide, the pieces I did hide for way too long.
It’s all part of the journey. The whole time I played with this piece I was thinking about that concept, and once again, coming to terms with my past.
So, that should probably be the title. 🙂 xo
Happy Monday everyone!
So I am a morning person, I love getting up early while the house is still sleeping to begin my day. However, I was realizing that by 10 am, I’m already getting pretty draggy.
A couple days ago as I was walking outside, I felt my body craving to move a little more, sway, breath, flow..
I realized that too much sitting is not working for me.
I need to move.
My body needs to move and flow and,… DANCE!!!!
So I found some happy dance music on YouTube, turned it up, and let my body just MOVE. No rules, no doing it wrong, just let my body move whatever way it needed.
Wow! I instantly woke up and felt invigorated again and not only that,… I felt like the creative juices started flowing again. Yes! Okay so maybe I don’t need the second cup of coffee. Maybe I just need an endorphin rush. Yesssssssssssssssssss
By the way, holy crap, there are a LOT of upbeat, positive fun songs to dance with that will IMMEDIATELY change your frame of mind.
Thank Gawd!!
Have you ever realized that your body needs more movement?
I know, it’s been forever since I’ve written on this blog. The last couple of weeks have been extremely stressful, and I’ve gone back to the basics, meditation and making art. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough. Enough marketing! Enough working on my website! Enough learning Photoshop. But honestly, I am slowly learning that getting myself into a good place is more important than writing on this, or sending my art out into social media. I just need to reclaim Jackie, and I know how to do it.
Anyway, this is a piece I made while thinking of the concept of ‘Intention.’ The way a direction, an intention moves through us, sinking into our reality. This is what happened when I painted intention. I appreciate the movement of it and the way it feels like it’s burrowing into something, planting. These current pieces I’m working on are showcasing the paint instead of letting the pen stand out. I feel like my style is coming out of this. ah!
This was so much fun and I can’t wait to create more based on feelings and affirmations I want to experience more in my life. YEsssssssssssssss
If I were to paint passion, this is what it would look like.
I have realized lately that though I am creating what feels natural to me, I am craving more meaning. I love depth and so appreciate realizations and growth and change. I know, shocking isn’t it?
This piece is reminding me that I can have an intention for an emotion or feeling and create from there. Ah! This feels like passion, exploding, moving, exploring, vibrating.. Ah!
Sometimes it’s like crawling into a dark cave that I’ve found. I have my backpack and flashlight, and I’m totally by myself. I am elated! My heart pumping, my hands a little shaky, my body is buzzing with electricity. I can literally taste this journey! Ahhh!!
After awhile of joyfully exploring, my flashlight suddenly goes out and I am alone in the dark. The darkness is unexpected. I don’t know why it always is, but it is. At first, it’s fine. My heart skips a beat, but then I calm. I am sure it was just a small mishap.
But the light doesn’t go back on, and panic consumes me. Instead of allowing it to bleed through me, I fight it. I bang my flashlight against the wall, I jump up and down screaming for help. But nothing happens. I am alone.
After a bit, I start to walk forward with no light. The excitement of a new creation, of discovering a hidden world has been put on hold, because it’s all about survival now. I can’t see one foot in front of me, so every step is a moment of trust.
I survived. I am still here, but I’m growing tired. I long for a piece of clarity, a tiny aha moment, maybe an ounce of belief. As I rub my eyes, a dim light slowly begins simmering through the flashlight.
I can see! I can see! Even if it’s vague and diluted, it’s there!
My heart starts beating faster and faster as I fill with relief and then joy and finally passion. This unbelievable passion. I galloping in the darkened cave.
“I can do anything,” I whisper as tears sting my eyes.
It’s like everything in the world is making sense. I can do this! I feel my mind sharpening and my body is electric. Everything is right, everything is beautiful. The cave walls seem to shine with iridescent colors, beckoning me to continue.
But suddenly the light goes out again.
What? This can’t be! I knew where I was going! What happened?
“Okay Jackie you can do this, you did it before.” I say out loud. And then I wait, expecting the light to go on. But it doesn’t.
So I trudge forward once again, deep in the blackness, holding the walls to keep myself from falling.
Now this is the part where I used to sit down in the cave waiting for death, or if I wasn’t too far in, I’d turn around and go back home.
This is again where it is scary and uncomfortable.
But I’m not leaving this time.
When I close my eyes, for a split second, I saw the end of the tunnel! I swear it was there, lit up with warmth. I need to keep moving forward until I see it for real.
The light will go on again to guide me, right?
If so, when?
Regardless,… I will keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other. Focusing on the image in my head, stamped on my heart. I can follow that.
I can trust what I see inside.
Over the past year I’ve written plenty of posts about stepmomming and not knowing my role, blah blah blah. I know, it’s a super uncreative heavy topic. But it’s been a huge part of my life for a long time. Every time I’ve started to feel like I’m IN CONTROL finally of the situation, something else happens and I feel back where I started.
There’s been the whole feeling that:
Ugh. Can I just say a big fat UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH right now? None of these top 3 things feel good at all to me. In fact they make me feel pretty shitty about myself and my situation.
Believe it or not, I WANT to be in a place of joy and ease.
I love them, and the more that I run around teaching, I am realizing that the absolute most important thing I can do is help them to know/feel that they are loved just as they are.
It won’t matter if I mention to them over and over again to eat vegetables, or to have compassion for others, or to remind them to be polite, or ways they can make friends. What will they really remember by the time they are adults?? The reality is, they will learn what they need to learn REGARDLESS of me constantly making
EVERY MOMENT A FREAKIN’ TEACHING MOMENT.
As I write that I’m realizing how crappy that sounds. Double ugh.
So… new plan.
I will love them.
My intention now, is to love them fully as they are. Which means:
I will ask questions genuinely and listen and remember.
I will play with them.
I will notice parts of them that I admire.
I will tell them what I love about them.
I will ask them to help out, because I need the help. Not because I feel I need to teach them to help.
I will be present in the moment with them and have fun.
I will show up for them, because I want to, not because their mother may not.
I will still be clear about boundaries in our house.
I will laugh with them. Not to teach them to laugh, but because I like to laugh.
I’ve been in this better place for the past couple weeks. Meeting them where they are, and not feeling so much yucky pressure to FIX THINGS. It definitely takes practice. I can feel my stomach tying in knots still when I see or hear something I don’t love. But I’m getting better at saying to myself ‘It’s fine Jackie, just love her.’ And then my voice is full of love and my eyes are full of love. And then I feel good. I want them to know without a doubt how much they are loved for just being them.
Sunshine and Cerulean 