Flow joe mo so low

I am just so fantastically overjoyed to be creating what is naturally flowing from me. For probably the first time in my life I am embracing what I yearn to do without feeling like I need to be different. Ahhhh!

As I create this piece that feels aerial and yet deeply connected, I am reminded of what I truly value in life. Connection, always connection, and remembering that though we are on our unique journey, we are divinely connected. Who I am is because of all the pieces of friends and lovers and strangers and past experiences, both joyful and tragic.

Though it can feel lonely, we are never alone on this voyage. We are a constantly evolving, forever metamorphosing, conglomeration of everything we have ever thought, felt, fought against, cried about, spoke up for, breathed, loved, and surrendered to.

This piece feels like movement and flow and deliciousness. Ah!

In Process

Here is a piece I am in the middle of working on. I did this one a little different, and started drawing with the color first. It’s so much fun and my hand is lusciously cramping… Ahhhhh I love feeling it in my body.

Is it really art if I’m just allowing my hand to create without my head?

I’ll post it when it’s finished! xo

Clear That Space, Woman

Geez, a New Year is here! Ahhhh! Isn’t it amazing to start a fresh chapter? I know I keep mentioning it but I still can’t get over it. The luster is hopefully going to last far into the year for me because it’s keeping me going.

I’ve been doing a lot of checking in with myself these past couple of weeks. I didn’t like how I was starting to feel pretty regularly by the end of the year last year. Sort of tired, and put upon, and constantly feeling like TIME IS RUNNING OUT,.. you know, all of that. None of which makes me feel
EMPOWERED or
PASSIONATE or
CREATIVE or
ALIVE.

So I knew I needed to make a change. 

thumbs up

One of the adjustments I am making is HOW I can take care of myself better.

Now, I know better than anyone that I require a lot to feel my best.

I need:
To do feelings meditations super regularly, and deep breathing, and go to bed early, and make art, and cry, and see friends, and connect with my hubby, and eat protein often, and write, and exercise until I am covered in sweat, and take baths, and visualize solar light, and wake up at 4am, and speak my truth, and have conversations with depth, and I am sure there is plenty more.

I’m pretty good at all of these, but one area I’ve been struggling with is creating spaces that feel good to me. Spending time figuring out how to make spaces clutter free, or warm, or full of love so I feel good in them.

I realized this with my sacred meditation space. I’ve appointed a small walk in closet as my meditation room, but have allowed it to fill up with junk (probably just like my mind), and haven’t bothered to fix it up. Every morning I trip over a bunch of crap in order to close my eyes and attempt to meditate.

How ironic is that? 

After New Years it dawned on me that IT’S UP TO ME to create the space exactly the way I want it. And really, if I have it at all, why not make it feel good? Isn’t that the point?

Again, WHY DO WE MAKE LIFE HARDER THAN IT NEEDS TO BE? 

Ah! So I am in the process of creating my meditation space so I feel clear and vibrant and at peace when I am in it. Yesssssssssss! And THAT FEELS like I am taking care of me!

 

I will show pics when it’s done!

xo

Ron Mueck

As I was browsing through Pinterest, I came across this hilariously realistic sculpturist. Ha!!! Sometimes art can be so damn serious and then you find a gift like this. Ron creates this huge hyperrealistic human sculptures that are all a bit funny and ridiculous. Check him out! Wow. Reminds me to not take art (or life) quite so seriously. I think I can always play a little more… 🙂

https://www.theatlantic.com/photo/2013/10/the-hyperrealistic-sculptures-of-ron-mueck/100606/

https://www.instagram.com/ron.mueck/

Ron Mueck again

Ron Mueck

 

New Life

Here’s the reality,… I am starting to own more of WHO I am. All of me: the parts that are uncomfortable being seen, the moments where I want to cry but I don’t know why, the pieces that feel super insecure and awkward, the times when I get a sliver of knowing why I am here and WHAT I have to offer…. all of it. This is one demonstration of it: I sat down with colors in my right hand, and a buzzing alert black pen in my left. This is usually when I stifle myself. This is usually when I feel stupid and childlike and don’t see myself as anything else,… but this time I let myself create. I let myself be who I am naturally, without once pausing to see if it it was okay or right or enough. I just let color and lines and life and flow pour out of me, and I wanted to cry.

Why Why do we make life so much harder than we need to?

This is me fully and completely, naturally. Without wishing I was more or more subtle or different. This is me in all my loud passion and my delicious quiet. This is me weeping with colors and dancing with rhythms. This is the part of me that always seemed wrong or bad, and still took up space, even when I wish it hadn’t.

This is what is real.

This is me.

Work It

Happy Friday!
I mentioned in 2017 how difficult it was for me to LEARN the tools necessary to get where I want to get.

For years I think I’ve had it in my brain that certain pieces of life that take TENACITY and FOLLOW THROUGH will just get easier, and I will be skipping my way down the lane without a care in the world. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize that this isn’t the way life works.

We. Have. To. Work. For. What. We. Want. 

Wow. Brain exploding right now.

Now it’s not that I am lazy. I am the opposite in many ways. I have a buzzing brain that is constantly dreaming up amazing ideas, and I am getting things done all the time.

But usually they are only things I enjoy doing. ahahah

One of my GOALS is to be able to sell prints of my artwork (if I choose), and to have a simple, easy to follow website. Wellllll as you can see, the only way I am going to have either of these in my life is to learn some things that I MIGHT NOT LOVE.

Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

It was a tough concept for me to wrap my brain around last year. Partly, I realized during our New Years self exploration week, is that I’ve had a really unhealthy relationship with TIME. I always felt like time was running out, time was disappearing, time was dissolving! With that belief, I never wanted to be stuck doing something that didn’t bring me joy. So instead of sticking with learning something new (like putting together a website I really enjoy),

I would just stick to making art. 

 

I have a really good girlfriend who is also an artist. She told me that she views working on her website just as an extension of her art. Though I love that concept, I hadn’t been able to grasp that idea for myself.

So I fought against it.

I wanted to complain and feel annoyed and irritated that I NEED to take the time to LEARN SOMETHING LIKE THAT. Rrrrrr…

After I realized that time only runs out quickly IF we believe that to be true, everything else has started to shift. I can say that as I sit here learning an online Photoshop class, and genuinely enjoying it. Ha! I am learning! I can understand it and I can see how it will help me get where I want to be. Yessss! 

 

Finally, now I can see the joy in all of it. Time isn’t running out, I have plenty of it, and it’s my job to get where I want to. I can do this. Even if I am tired and long to sit and paint or draw, I can do this first. I can make learning a priority.

 

 

Me Being Me

Wow. My head is literally bursting with so many ideas of new things I want to create and try and experiment with, and FEEL! I am jotting down notes and sketches constantly but am having trouble keeping up!

Though I am consistently inspired by life and everything in it, I sometimes forget that what I create naturally, without even thinking, IS my true nature, and IT. IS. ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH.

It seems like the human condition is the fear that we aren’t enough exactly as who we are. This inner belief that life SHOULD be a struggle, life SHOULD be hard, and if it’s not, well, then… we are just LAZY.

This is how I have felt about art (among everything else in my life). If I wasn’t IN PAIN while working, and so confused and anguished about the project, I would discount it. That’s why a lot of my work wasn’t ‘my work,’ it was stupid little mindless doodles that I couldn’t stop. I convinced myself to feel ashamed that I NEEDED to draw, to create. And that because I feel relaxed and full of joy when the pen takes over and my head stops thinking, that must mean… I AM LAZY and my creations are a waste of time.

So I am starting out this year, aware of my past beliefs related to struggle and ease. I’m going to allow myself to be in utter bliss creating what naturally comes from me, where I don’t think at all about the outcome. I am going to do it without judgement. Maybe this is art as well…. Me being me, just like it is for you to be fully and truthfully and unswayingly YOU.

Fresh New Year 2018

Ahhhh! There are few things I love more than starting a fresh new, blank chapter. An unlined, crisp, white papered chapter just gleaming with morning dew and ready for me to dip my brush in it.

Ah!

That being said,…wow. Can you believe it’s 2018???! What a crazy year full of learning and growing and the absolute unexpected last year was. Ha! I am grateful for the trials and tears and growth but I must say, I am so so so ready to start this new year. Last year proved to be far more difficult and immerse than I would have ever guessed. But I have the power to figure out why and make the changes necessary for this year.

Every New Years, my hubby and I rent a cabin in Idyllwild for 4 days and work through everything from the year prior and bring what we want into the fresh new year.  We create lists of all we experienced, the learning from it, old beliefs that no longer serve us, and anything else that needs to be healed. We talk and cry and discuss for hours. Then the magic begins… We spend the next half of our visit creating the year the way WE WANT IT.

What feelings do we want to experience?
What new experiences do we want to have?
What are the intentions we have for this new year?
I have learned that if we create everyday with INTENTION, we get closer to what it is we really want.

My favorite realization over this New Years visit was that our habits, priorities and intentions need to be aligned in order for us to create the life we want. If one of those is off, life becomes a lot harder and usually we end up not where we want. Ah!

I am so ready for this year, and so ready to dive in to the unknown, even when it’s not always fun or easy. My intentions will guide the way, and part of that is writing more frequently on this blog. Yesss.

I am sending everyone lots of love and light…., and I hope that you’re all ready to move full force into this new year as well!

xo Jax

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