Callen Schaub

“The exercise in letting go….” Says Callen when describing his art.

He creates his colorful work using lots of paint and motion. It’s incredible what can be created when there is movement and play involved! Wow! And really, movement for me is so true of the creative process so I understand the use of it along with paint.

It’s interesting, he’s gotten a lot of negative feedback for his work. People have said he’s wasting paint, or that he’s not really an artist because he’s throwing paint around, etc. It’s funny how we think we can decide who’s an artist and who’s not.

If art is about evoking feelings, then he’s done it on many levels.

What are your thoughts?

https://www.instagram.com/callenschaub/
https://callenschaub.com/

callen piece

callen doubt

 

Making Art

Sometimes it’s like crawling into a dark cave that I’ve found. I have my backpack and flashlight, and I’m totally by myself. I am elated! My heart pumping, my hands a little shaky, my body is buzzing with electricity. I can literally taste this journey! Ahhh!!

After awhile of joyfully exploring, my flashlight suddenly goes out and I am alone in the dark. The darkness is unexpected. I don’t know why it always is, but it is. At first, it’s fine. My heart skips a beat, but then I calm. I am sure it was just a small mishap.

But the light doesn’t go back on, and panic consumes me. Instead of allowing it to bleed through me, I fight it. I bang my flashlight against the wall, I jump up and down screaming for help. But nothing happens. I am alone.

After a bit, I start to walk forward with no light. The excitement of a new creation, of discovering a hidden world has been put on hold, because it’s all about survival now. I can’t see one foot in front of me, so every step is a moment of trust.

I survived. I am still here, but I’m growing tired. I long for a piece of clarity, a tiny aha moment, maybe an ounce of belief. As I rub my eyes, a dim light slowly begins simmering through the flashlight.

I can see! I can see! Even if it’s vague and diluted, it’s there!

My heart starts beating faster and faster as I fill with relief and then joy and finally passion. This unbelievable passion. I galloping in the darkened cave.

“I can do anything,” I whisper as tears sting my eyes.

It’s like everything in the world is making sense. I can do this! I feel my mind sharpening and my body is electric. Everything is right, everything is beautiful. The cave walls seem to shine with iridescent colors, beckoning me to continue.

But suddenly the light goes out again.

What? This can’t be! I knew where I was going! What happened?

“Okay Jackie you can do this, you did it before.” I say out loud. And then I wait, expecting the light to go on. But it doesn’t.

So I trudge forward once again, deep in the blackness, holding the walls to keep myself from falling.

Now this is the part where I used to sit down in the cave waiting for death, or if I wasn’t too far in, I’d turn around and go back home.

This is again where it is scary and uncomfortable.

But I’m not leaving this time.

When I close my eyes, for a split second, I saw the end of the tunnel! I swear it was there, lit up with warmth. I need to keep moving forward until I see it for real.

The light will go on again to guide me, right?
If so, when?

Regardless,… I will keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other. Focusing on the image in my head, stamped on my heart. I can follow that.

I can trust what I see inside.

Sunshine

 

Spring is here! Everything is so bright and bursting with life! Ahhhh!!!

“There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.” Zayn Malik

 

 

 

Handled It

Every New Year, Andy and I choose a word that will inspiring us in the upcoming months, a word that represents what we want to work on. For this year, I chose truth. I’ve known that even thought I’m way better at speaking my truth than I used to be, I still have some work to do. I gotta tell you, even putting that word out into the Universe has brought me face to face with needing to speak it plenty in the past months.

Pretty much everyone in my life I can pretty much speak my truth to. I can be kind and honest and it feels so great to live in that space.

However, there has been one person that I haven’t been able to do it with. One person that I have constantly found myself avoiding saying what needs to be said and ending up doing way more than my share. It’s funny, I built this person up to be larger than just a normal human. I couldn’t imagine speaking all the truth that has been boiling under the surface.

I had realized something a few years back. This wasn’t about her. It was never about her. She’s just a human doing the best she can with what she knows. But for me she represented so much more. Behind her eyes was every situation from way way back where I couldn’t say no. It was every moment where I had smiled through my pain, biting my tongue to stop the tears, and then said ‘sure,’ or ‘I’m fine,’ or ‘what else can I do to help,’ when I wished I could say ‘no more please,’ or  ‘please stop,’ or ‘I can’t do this,’ or just ‘NO.’

 

But yesterday everything changed. It was one of those brilliant moments that show up in our lives when suddenly everything clicks. It was like I knew without a doubt that things needed to shift, and I was ready. Even thought I was scared to speak up, there wasn’t an ounce of uncertainty about what I was saying. I knew in my blood that I had every right to say what I needed to say.

And so, I did.

She stopped talking long enough for me to speak and hearing my voice was shocking.

I thought I would be shaky and awkward and have trouble making eye contact.

But I didn’t.

I was solid.
I was firm.
I was passionate and alive and it felt as if I had just burst at the seams with all my truth.

 

But I was also kind. I wasn’t lashing out. I was empowered.
And I said NO.

It’s funny, it was fine. The moments passed, the day moved on. Nothing exploded. Nothing struck me down with a golden rode. It was fine.

But I walked away far better than fine.

I honestly believe in that moment my life completely changed. It was as if the energy from the past began healing instantaneously with these energetic explosions, and me walking away like a fucking powerhouse.

Wow. I can speak up. I can make eye contact. I can say no.
And the best part is, I can do it all with so much compassion and love.

1440

So I had never heard of 1440 in Scotts Valley, CA until my sister in law suggested we check it out. There was going to be a speaker there that she loves. I just agreed, because I love her, but still had no idea what I was in for.

Turns out, not only is the facility absolutely incredible and vibrating with energy, the food is phenomenal, the people are full of depth, and the speaker was exactly what I needed to hear.

Sharon Salzberg led us in deep discussions about compassion and love and kindness and tied it up in a nice package of meditation.

There is nothing better than getting an epiphany about something that’s been buzzing around in our heads. That’s exactly what I got. I realized that I’ve been associating doing  with being kind. I’ve gotten myself in a situation where I’m doing too much and now I’m drained. In the midst of all of this, hearing Sharon say that we can’t be giving if our vessel isn’t full, I had this realization. As much as I love to give, and I love to help out, if I end up doing more because I feel obligated, than I’m not giving from a good place. If I’m not doing things out of a place that feels good to me it certainly isn’t going to be good for anyone else.

I have known this intellectually, I know that. But something about the way she worded it, totally put me in a place of empowerment. Yes! That’s it! Because I love to give. Me giving isn’t the problem! But when the intention is to ‘make up for someone else,’ that’s not true giving, and that’s why it doesn’t feel right. A ha!

 

By the way, if you’re needing a place to replenish your body mind and spirit, check out 1440. It is truly amazing. I can’t wait to go back!!

Play = Me

This is a little fluid piece that I was playing with in my art book. Like I mentioned before, I am making it a goal to incorporate more painting and pen play into the big pieces I am doing. It doesn’t make sense to have this fluid easy play in my art journal, and not just make these ideas into bigger pieces.

I think I still struggle sometimes with keeping the flow alive. Once I know I am ‘creating art,’ I tend to lock up a bit as if I’m afraid of making a mistake. However when I am PLAYING in my book, the fear of mistakes is gone.

So like I have said before, the only way out is through. That must mean I just need to make more WORK.

I know that my true voice is the voice that rings out in my moments of sheer joy, and total flow. So incorporating the parts the naturally show up when I’m not trying at all, is what I am aiming for.

My intention is to live my truest self, in my art and in all areas of life….

Sending you all love and light, and hope that you’re feeding your inner artist…..

xo Jax

KwangHo Shin

The first time I saw the paintings by this South Korean artist, I was intrigued. The facial details are mostly gone, and yet it’s as if they are alive in front of us. Swirling with emotions and intentions, as if the people are real behind the colors.

I love that the literal parts of the faces are covered in this almost childlike splattering of colorful paint. And yet, regardless of the bright bold colors, there is something almost haunting about losing the details of the faces. Our minds fill in the space… What an experience.

Kwangho shin painting

https://www.instagram.com/shinkwangho329/

https://www.artsy.net/artist/kwangho-shin

https://www.trendhunter.com/trends/kwangho-shin?utm_content=buffer156da&utm_medium=pinterest&utm_source=pinterest&utm_campaign=buffer

The Dance of Creativity, the Dance of Life

It’s funny how life moves, ebbs and flows. Sometimes I am buzzing with this luscious creative energy pulsing through my body.

Other times I am a bit listless. My mind bouncing back and forth on a certain piece, playing through different actions I could take to get me back to that place of deliciously vibrant energy.

I always get back, but sometimes the journey is uncomfortable. Right now, I see images in my head over and over again and once I start creating them, they disappear and I’m left with only a sliver of what I saw. So there’s the anxiety, the flipping of my brain to figure it out, to solve the mystery.

As I sit here at the computer, reminding myself to be PRESENT with where I am, and that I will get back to creating soon enough, I am also remembering that part of the process IS the trial and error. It IS the moving closer and closer to who we are at the depth of our core, and then sometimes in the next second being washed back onto the shore unsure of what just happened.

Maybe this is what it feels like to be an artist.

Maybe this is what it feels like to be human.

The glorious blissful moments where everything connects, and then the constant yearning for that when it’s gone.
Maybe I don’t need to yearn.

Maybe I can breathe through the not knowing, and remember the process, remember that curiosity must remain in order for work to come alive at all.

I want my pieces to not only have color and movement, but to be full of feelings and heartbreak and power and vivid streaks of beauty and pain. The only way I can do any of that is to be there, dancing with it. Holding on to and letting it lead, allowing it to move to it’s own beat while I step out of the way and gracefully allow creativity to lead.

Something New

Here is something new I’m working on. Ahhhh! I’m loving the process, enjoying the journey of delicious play!

This is on 18×24 paper, so I have a long way to go. Ahhhh

 

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